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What is the best way to solve marital problems?
28 August, 2009
Question: What is the best way to solve marital problems?
Answer: It is not possible to solve marital problems except that a man understands that his wife is weak. Or that Allaah settles that which occurs between them with regards to their differences. The issue is not that the husband is always correct, and if the wife is correct and the husband is incorrect, then this erodes his masculinity or his authority, no.
“And in whatsoever you differ, the decision thereof is with Allaah.” (Ash-Shuraa: 10)
“But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you a judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.” (An-Nisaa’: 65)
“And if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day.” (An-Nisaa’: 59)
The premise of of husband is that he should some fiqh, and that he knows when an how to solve matters. It is quite possible that problems can occur in the house. So since the man is one who has the authority he should remain calm until these problems are resolved. Thereafter he should use his wisdom, masculinity, and counsel. What is always blameworthy is harsh, severe interactions. I would inform you of something that I hope Allaah would make it a benefit for us all;
The secret to a husband being successful in his interactions with his wife is for him to compensate for her weakness. A woman is weak and emotional. Hence, if you want to make her a happy wife then make amends that is in accordance with her weakness, and always make her feel that you are in constant need of her and you cannot do without her. Fulfill her emotional needs, comfort her feelings.
When the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) informed us that the woman is “Deficient in her intelligence.” Al-Bukhaaree (hadeeth nos. 294), he did not meant it to be a belittlement of women, however what he was illustrating to us is how to deal with a woman. The most miserable man is the one who whenever a dispute occurs between him and his wife he says to her, “let’s leave off emotions and deal with the issue based on intelligence.” What does it mean that she is “Deficient in her intelligence?” That is, her intelligence is deficient in comparison to her emotions, for her emotions are very strong. So you men are deficient in emotions. You have full intellect because intelligence is something that is relative. The woman is deficient in her intelligence and the man is deficient in his emotions. So Allaah created males with faculties that suits his being and He created females with faculties that suits her nature. This is why both spouses would not obtain amicability until they both return to the deen of Allaah, and that they both know their rights in the deen of Allaah.
So therefore whenever there occurs problems between you all and you want to advise your wife, the most important thing is that you first of all sympathise with her feelings and emotions until she becomes calm, then you begin to counsel. How easy is a woman, however how complicated is she! Because her emotions are ever changing. And from the mercy of our Lord to the woman is that He made her heart ever changing, Whereby if she is divorced, the second husband becomes the most beloved, and if he dies and remarries, the third is the most beloved to her, and this is in accordance with the legislation of Allaah.
A woman would be just fine with her father, however by seeing that particular man once, she forgets about her father, her brother…and then you become her priority. So fulfill her emotional needs and you will find peace and relaxation.
Husbands make certain mistakes, and one of the most serious mistakes they make is that they treat their wives like how they treat another man, or they speak to them as they speak to their mothers or sisters; this is wrong. The wife is a creation that is weak and you were also created weak, “And man was created weak.” What surah is this ayah mentioned? An-Nisaa’. And what context did it come? The man’s necessity for a woman. You are in need of her, you’re weak because desires within men are strong. So you compensate your weakness through her, and therefore let her compensate for her weakness through you. And you should never forget to offer her words of advice because husbands are either neglectful, unconcerned with the affairs of their wives whereby they let them do whatever they want by failing to command or prohibit them, or they are harsh and extreme whereby all they do is complain, criticize, find fault, and compare their wives with other pretty women, especially if they watch cable, this is an affliction. Be contended with what Allaah has provided for you as this is your choice, and I think by these words of advice a husband can correctly guide his wife.
(Transcribed from the weekly Question and Answer session by Shaykh Mashhoor Salmaan: 11/25/06)
Ramadaan
28 August, 2009
RAMADHAAN
1. Fast Ramadhan with belief and truly seeking the reward of Allah the Most High so that He may forgive you your past sins.
2. Beware of breaking your fast during the days of Ramadhan without a valid Islamic excuse, for it is from the greatest of sins.
3. Pray Salat ut-Taraweeh and the night prayer during the nights of Ramadhan – especially on Layatul-Qadr – based on belief and truly seeking the reward of Allah, so that Allah may forgive you your past sins.
4. Make sure that your food, your drink and your clothing are from halal means, in order that your actions be accepted, and your supplications answered. Beware of refraining from the halal while fasting and breaking your fast with the haram.
5. Give food to some fasting people to gain a reward similar to theirs.
6. Perform your five prayers on time in congregation to gain the reward and Allah's protection.
7. Give a lot of charity for the best charity is that of Ramadhan.
8. Beware of spending your time without performing righteous deeds, for you will be responsible and reckoned for it and will be rewarded for all you do during your time.
9. Perform `umrah in Ramadhan for `Umrah in Ramadhan is equal to Hajj.
10. Seek help for fasting during the day by eating the sahoor meal in the last part of the night before the appearance of Fajr.
11. Hasten breaking your fast after the sun has truly set in order to gain the love of Allah.
12. Perform ghusl before fajr if you need to purify yourself from the state of major impurity so that you are able to do acts of worship in a state of purity and cleanliness.
13. Cease the opportunity of being in Ramadhan and spend it with the good that has been revealed in it – by reciting the noble Quran and pondering and reflection of its meanings so that it be a proof for you with your Lord and an intercessor for you on the Day of Reckoning.
14. Preserve your tongue from lying, cursing, backbiting and slander for it decreases the reward of fasting.
15. Do not let fasting cause you cross your boundaries by getting upset due to the slightest of reasons. Rather, fasting should be a cause of peacefulness and tranquility of your soul.
16. Upon completion of fasting, be in a state of taqwa of Allah the Most High, being aware of Allah watching you in secret and in public, in thankfulness for His favors, and steadfastness upon obedience of Allah by doing all what He has ordered and shunning all that He has prohibited.
17. Increase in remembrance of Allah, seeking of forgiveness, asking for Paradise and protection against the Fire, especially when fasting, while breaking the fast and during suhoor, for these actions are among greatest causes of attaining Allahs forgiveness.
18. Increase in supplication for yourself, your parents, your children and Muslims, for Allah has ordered making of supplications and has guaranteed acceptance.
19. Repent to Allah with a sincere repentance in all times by leaving sins, regretting those that you have done before and firmly deciding not to return to them in the future, for Allah accepts repentance of those who repent.
20. Fast six days of Shawwal, for whoever fasts Ramadhan and then follows it with six days of Shawwal, it is as if he fasts all the time.
21. Fast on the Day of `Arafah, the 9th of Dhul Hijjah, to attain success by being forgiven your sins of the last year and the coming year.
22. Fast on the day of `Aashuraa, the 10th of Muharram, along with the 9th, to attain success by being forgiven your sins of the past year.
23. Continue being in a state of iman and taqwa and perform righteous actions after the month of Ramadhan, until you die. And worship your Lord until there comes to you the certainty (i.e. death). [Quran 15:99]
24. Ensure that you attain the positive effects of your acts of worship such as prayer, fasting, zakat and hajj, sincere repentance and leaving of customs that are in variance with the Sharee`ah.
25. Invoke a lot of salawat and salam upon the Messenger of Allah, may Allahs blessings and peace be upon him, his Companions and all those who follow them until the Day of Judgment.
1. Fast Ramadhan with belief and truly seeking the reward of Allah the Most High so that He may forgive you your past sins.
2. Beware of breaking your fast during the days of Ramadhan without a valid Islamic excuse, for it is from the greatest of sins.
3. Pray Salat ut-Taraweeh and the night prayer during the nights of Ramadhan – especially on Layatul-Qadr – based on belief and truly seeking the reward of Allah, so that Allah may forgive you your past sins.
4. Make sure that your food, your drink and your clothing are from halal means, in order that your actions be accepted, and your supplications answered. Beware of refraining from the halal while fasting and breaking your fast with the haram.
5. Give food to some fasting people to gain a reward similar to theirs.
6. Perform your five prayers on time in congregation to gain the reward and Allah's protection.
7. Give a lot of charity for the best charity is that of Ramadhan.
8. Beware of spending your time without performing righteous deeds, for you will be responsible and reckoned for it and will be rewarded for all you do during your time.
9. Perform `umrah in Ramadhan for `Umrah in Ramadhan is equal to Hajj.
10. Seek help for fasting during the day by eating the sahoor meal in the last part of the night before the appearance of Fajr.
11. Hasten breaking your fast after the sun has truly set in order to gain the love of Allah.
12. Perform ghusl before fajr if you need to purify yourself from the state of major impurity so that you are able to do acts of worship in a state of purity and cleanliness.
13. Cease the opportunity of being in Ramadhan and spend it with the good that has been revealed in it – by reciting the noble Quran and pondering and reflection of its meanings so that it be a proof for you with your Lord and an intercessor for you on the Day of Reckoning.
14. Preserve your tongue from lying, cursing, backbiting and slander for it decreases the reward of fasting.
15. Do not let fasting cause you cross your boundaries by getting upset due to the slightest of reasons. Rather, fasting should be a cause of peacefulness and tranquility of your soul.
16. Upon completion of fasting, be in a state of taqwa of Allah the Most High, being aware of Allah watching you in secret and in public, in thankfulness for His favors, and steadfastness upon obedience of Allah by doing all what He has ordered and shunning all that He has prohibited.
17. Increase in remembrance of Allah, seeking of forgiveness, asking for Paradise and protection against the Fire, especially when fasting, while breaking the fast and during suhoor, for these actions are among greatest causes of attaining Allahs forgiveness.
18. Increase in supplication for yourself, your parents, your children and Muslims, for Allah has ordered making of supplications and has guaranteed acceptance.
19. Repent to Allah with a sincere repentance in all times by leaving sins, regretting those that you have done before and firmly deciding not to return to them in the future, for Allah accepts repentance of those who repent.
20. Fast six days of Shawwal, for whoever fasts Ramadhan and then follows it with six days of Shawwal, it is as if he fasts all the time.
21. Fast on the Day of `Arafah, the 9th of Dhul Hijjah, to attain success by being forgiven your sins of the last year and the coming year.
22. Fast on the day of `Aashuraa, the 10th of Muharram, along with the 9th, to attain success by being forgiven your sins of the past year.
23. Continue being in a state of iman and taqwa and perform righteous actions after the month of Ramadhan, until you die. And worship your Lord until there comes to you the certainty (i.e. death). [Quran 15:99]
24. Ensure that you attain the positive effects of your acts of worship such as prayer, fasting, zakat and hajj, sincere repentance and leaving of customs that are in variance with the Sharee`ah.
25. Invoke a lot of salawat and salam upon the Messenger of Allah, may Allahs blessings and peace be upon him, his Companions and all those who follow them until the Day of Judgment.
Be Thankful for what You Have
07 April, 2009
Be Thankful for what You Have
by unknown
Should you find something on your dinner plate that doesn't appeal to you, don't complain.
There are people who don't have anything on their plate.
Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful.
There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!
by unknown
Should you find something on your dinner plate that doesn't appeal to you, don't complain.
There are people who don't have anything on their plate.
Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful.
There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!
check niyyah over and over
23 January, 2009
Narrated Jundub:
The Prophet said, "He who lets the people hear of his good deeds intentionally, to win their praise, Allah will let the people know his real intention [on the Day of Resurrection], and he who does good things in public to show off and win the praise of the people, Allah will disclose his real intention [and humiliate him on the Day of Judgment]
[Sahih Bukhaari 8/506]
No Problem!
23 January, 2009
No Problem!
author: unknown
Don't worry if you have problems! Which is easy to say until you are in the midst of a really big one, I know. But the only people I am aware of who don't have troubles are gathered in little neighborhoods. Most communities have at least one. We call them cemeteries.
If you're breathing, you have difficulties. It's the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be good for you! Let me explain.
Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. "I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," a traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer: "The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms - surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces." Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.
So, you have problems - no problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!"
"When will we ever relax?"
23 January, 2009
Abdullah asked his father one day, "Abi when will we ever relax?" His father (Imam Ahmad rahimahullah), one of the greatest revivers of the Sunnah, a role model for all Muslims, looked him in the eye and said, "With the first step we take into Jannah."
Holding grudges
22 January, 2009
Abu Huraira (radi Allahu anhu) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be
upon him) as saying: Don't nurse grudge and don't bid him out for raising the price and don't nurse aversion or enmity and don't enter into a transaction when the others have entered into that transaction and be as fellow-brothers and servants of Allah. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He neither oppresses him nor humiliates him nor looks down upon him. The piety is here, (and while saying so) he pointed towards his chest thrice. It is a serious evil for a Muslim that he should look down upon his brother Muslim.All things of a Muslim are inviolable for his brother in faith: his blood, his wealth and his honour.
Sahih Muslim, Book 032, Number 6219
May Allah give us the tawfeeq to bare this in mind, ameen.
Becareful what you ask for in your adiya
22 January, 2009
Anas reported that
Allah's Messenger * once visited a Muslim man who was so weak that he was (thin) like a chicken, as described in the Hadeeth.
Allah's Messenger asked him,“Did you make a specific supplication or ask Allah for something (so that you became like this)?”
He replied: 'Yes, I used to say, 'O Allah! Whatever punishment you have for me in the Hereafter, expedite it for me in this life.''
Allah's Messenger said:“Exalted be Allah! You cannot withstand that. You should have
said instead,'Rabbana aatina fid-dunya hasanah, wa fil-akhirati hasanah waqina
azab an-Naar'
'Our Lord, grant us good in this life and in the next life, and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” [Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 201]
He then implored Allah to cure him, and Allah cured him.'
[Saheeh Muslim]
Allah's Messenger * once visited a Muslim man who was so weak that he was (thin) like a chicken, as described in the Hadeeth.
Allah's Messenger asked him,“Did you make a specific supplication or ask Allah for something (so that you became like this)?”
He replied: 'Yes, I used to say, 'O Allah! Whatever punishment you have for me in the Hereafter, expedite it for me in this life.''
Allah's Messenger said:“Exalted be Allah! You cannot withstand that. You should have
said instead,'Rabbana aatina fid-dunya hasanah, wa fil-akhirati hasanah waqina
azab an-Naar'
'Our Lord, grant us good in this life and in the next life, and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” [Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 201]
He then implored Allah to cure him, and Allah cured him.'
[Saheeh Muslim]
Buying and selling IN the masjid
22 January, 2009
AbuHurairah also relates that the Prophet said: "If you
see someone buying or selling in the Masjid, say to
him: 'May Allah not give you any profit in your trading."'
[This is related by an-Nasa'i and at-Tirmidhi. The latter
calls it hasan.]
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar reports that the Peophet forbade
buying and selling in the Masjid, reciting poetry in it,
or announcing lost items, and he especially prohibited
making a circle [i.e., a meeting in a circle] before the
Friday prayer. [This is related by the five, and at-
Tirmidhi calls it sahih.]
see someone buying or selling in the Masjid, say to
him: 'May Allah not give you any profit in your trading."'
[This is related by an-Nasa'i and at-Tirmidhi. The latter
calls it hasan.]
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar reports that the Peophet forbade
buying and selling in the Masjid, reciting poetry in it,
or announcing lost items, and he especially prohibited
making a circle [i.e., a meeting in a circle] before the
Friday prayer. [This is related by the five, and at-
Tirmidhi calls it sahih.]
When a person eats, he resembles what he eats
17 January, 2009
When a person eats, he resembles what he eats"
The Imam, Ibn al-Qayyim, رحيم الله, said:
The one who eats something takes on something of its characteristics in his attitude and actions. Just as there is wisdom in what Allaah has created, there is also wisdom in what He has prescribed and commanded (sharee'ah). He has forbidden His slaves to eat unclean things because if they consume them, these things will become a part of them and they will be what they eat. When a person eats, he resembles what he eats, and what he eats becomes essentially a part of him. Hence man is more balanced in his attitude and behaviour than other animals because he is more balanced in what he eats. Eating blood and the flesh of carnivorous wild animals gives a person a wild, devilish character and makes him aggressive towards other people, so sharee'ah wisely forbids eating such foods except when there is an overwhelming reason to do so, such as absolute necessity. Because the Christians eat pork, it gives them a kind of harshness and cruelty. The same applies to those who eat the flesh of carnivores and dogs – they take on the character of these animals. A devilish attitude is an essential attribute of fanged carnivores, which is why they are forbidden as food by sharee'ah. Since camels may display such a devilish attitude, Islam commands those who eat camel meat to counteract it by doing wudoo'. Since a donkey-like attitude is an essential attribute of donkeys, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to eat them. Since blood is the vehicle of the Shaytaan through which he travels, Allaah has absolutely forbidden us to eat blood.
Whoever ponders the wisdom of Allaah in His creation and His commandments, and pays attention to both, will have opened an important door to the knowledge of Allaah and His Names and Attributes.
[At-Tibyaan fi Aqsaam al-Qur'aan by Ibn al-Qayyim, 1/236]
The Imam, Ibn al-Qayyim, رحيم الله, said:
The one who eats something takes on something of its characteristics in his attitude and actions. Just as there is wisdom in what Allaah has created, there is also wisdom in what He has prescribed and commanded (sharee'ah). He has forbidden His slaves to eat unclean things because if they consume them, these things will become a part of them and they will be what they eat. When a person eats, he resembles what he eats, and what he eats becomes essentially a part of him. Hence man is more balanced in his attitude and behaviour than other animals because he is more balanced in what he eats. Eating blood and the flesh of carnivorous wild animals gives a person a wild, devilish character and makes him aggressive towards other people, so sharee'ah wisely forbids eating such foods except when there is an overwhelming reason to do so, such as absolute necessity. Because the Christians eat pork, it gives them a kind of harshness and cruelty. The same applies to those who eat the flesh of carnivores and dogs – they take on the character of these animals. A devilish attitude is an essential attribute of fanged carnivores, which is why they are forbidden as food by sharee'ah. Since camels may display such a devilish attitude, Islam commands those who eat camel meat to counteract it by doing wudoo'. Since a donkey-like attitude is an essential attribute of donkeys, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to eat them. Since blood is the vehicle of the Shaytaan through which he travels, Allaah has absolutely forbidden us to eat blood.
Whoever ponders the wisdom of Allaah in His creation and His commandments, and pays attention to both, will have opened an important door to the knowledge of Allaah and His Names and Attributes.
[At-Tibyaan fi Aqsaam al-Qur'aan by Ibn al-Qayyim, 1/236]
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