name: A.MOHAMMED IBRAHIM BAIG
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salamun alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barkathuh.i am sad this evening.it is as usual.i am used to it.you know why?maybe you dunno!unlike you all i have a nasty sluggish beast in me.to satisfy its uncanny taste i sometimes go unconvensionally abnormal.yea! you will be ashamed to hear it from me that i committed a sin,a grave sin towards my wife.
she is a very kind old muslim lady,masters in indian history and masters in education.we are of course married for the last thirty six years.and i have been committing this sin pretty regularly.on a very small petty instigation i lose all my patiennce and open up the big hellgates to this beast to enter.then.what?she sobs and sobs,and i go crazily wild not knowing what to do any further and how best to console her.
this evening it was her two of the teeth that fell.swoolen face.and nose bleeding.ieverytime after such sins i become abysmally ashamed and crestfallen. i miss my timely salah even as asequel to this mortification in my mind.i dont have a face to stand before her,no moral grounds to talk even.i turn on the t.v that only aggravates my inherent weakness.i don't have any friends to rely on exessively or openly about what had transpired in between her and me.
i dont have any associations in any club. i don't party.well its a microcosm of my own.
i stand alone in my room,crying inside my heart and beg for HIS pardon.i try to sleep.on bed i role. i sit up and again slump down.no!sleep is not for me!!!!
finally again my beast!it overcomes triumphantly.i smile at him defeatedly.he enters me as alzolams or sometimes as alprax.i bend under his regnant subjugation.
we all err,somtimes we dont.but what and where is the remedy for the one who regularly err?you can sit alone in a corner of masjid ask forgiveness of allah,but will that suffice?the person against whom you have erred does not get any compensation!does he?
what if you do loads of penance,unless the wronged is not compensated what is the use of your penance?you can fast.you can do sadaqat and what not?does all this compensate the person against whom you have heaped loads wrongs?
no! never!!!
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