02 October, 2008
Cut away until why bring you answer first phone finger?
Cut away until why bring you answer first phone finger?
2 years ago, yours is taken leave of, I am unable to urge to stay. I who am silly and silly, cut away and followed the finger, thought unexpectedly that could let you give me a chance. Cruel reality, a merciless one you leave away finally, whom head does not go back either go with new sweetheart.
The owner says I am silly, the friend says me, parents scold me, the relative criticizes me. All people do not understand why I can be so silly to long for you. They there will know you are I all one's life only girl of love, first love of me, it will be the last person loving it too.
In fact, I do not understand at all frequently I love you on earth, only want to observe one's own promise. Because once we promised to be in love forever this life each other. The friend advises me to calculate, you can not observe one's own commitment, why do I observe? Tearful, I say to the friend: "While living in the world, can't know all the time but for it, it is not a husband. " So, I think mostly, what I observed is the promise made originally. It was not you that even if once with I was in love, but another girl. I think I will use up the energy throughout one's life and love her too. I think, since meet you this life and know each other with you, in love. Even if I am predestined, I can not love other girls again. In my world, have you only.
You were too merciless to go originally, I thought of committing suicide several times. Even once even testament is written down, are there any ones that can make me care to think about it in this world? However, I have thought of mother, mother brings up me hard. Very in the childhood, father killed into the prison because of gambling. This has been that mother is bringing up me all the time for over ten years, she works hard in the midst of life. Let people, gray hair of she, give I this dark to send people, I even if death at this time. Can I die in peace? Thought about the half dead and half alive appearance that mother cried at that time, can I still be so selfish? You know, this life, I am her only hope. What enables her like the treatment of one day for over ten years, I? Put the most precious mother love that day? Think about as a child, mother bring I go, look for relative borrow money pay the tuition everywhere. Relative is all the force so, expect my father has entered the prison, mother has no ability to repay. Aunt old woman lend 500 yuan pay the tuition for me, when she knows my father has entered the prison, say this money and fetch water and float. Mother is actually carrying the pressure, the ones that came out early and returned late earned money, is still the money returned to her finally. See wan and sallow mother each time, the tear comes under disappointing dropping. Mother always says to me each time: "The man, should not shed the tears, though we have no money, we can't bow to others forever. Do not you often say Xu Beihong said? People can't have haughtiness, but can't have no lofty and unyielding character. " From then on, I had tears not to dare to fall down either. I know I should be strong, should prove to all people, I that they looked down upon originally, have a rich day too. In order to lighten mother's pressure, read when junior middle school, I do not go to school attentively on purpose. For want teacher about mother saying want me not to be studied. At last, one day, the teacher said that did not allow me to study. I am very contradictory, on one hand want to study hard, but no condition. On one hand can share some to bear and feel gratified for the house. Mother play I in whom school choke with sobs, say, study only for me hard so, but I have let down her. Do I really want to study carefully? The family did not make university students generation, I wanted to bring honour to ancestors too, repaid mother. Since I was born in such a family, I should not have such extravagant hope. Can do, but the heavy burden that the society earns money and shares the family for mother appears early.
Later, knew her, and in love. From then on, I think and her life earn money and raise this family and then all one's life. However, this is only dreamland. After departure, father has been released from prison. I did not go to meet father, not because I hate father. Ancient cloud: "The son has not spoken the father. " Father of animosity what qualifications I have to go? It is mother, mother hates father, what she hated letting her eat in this world to the limit alone so for many years is bitter. A lot of people can understand I think if which person may like my mother perhaps, the ones that have eaten so for many years are bitter while bringing up a child, will understand that kind of suffering. So, I loved mother, did not go to see father.
After father comes back, it is known that I cut away it with the finger for her. To look for me, ask me what is the matter. I only tell father, I do not want to let to leave the regret in all one's life of making me repent in one's own life, if in this way, can get her chance of giving to me once again in return, don't say with the finger, even if two is followed, a hand, I will be willing.
Gradually, this has been cooled. Family members do not know I am still contacting her. Over the past 2 years, always never phone her disconnectedly and overly one day, very simple, only want to listen to her voice, fulfilling the commitment made originally, I felt very satisfied. Over the past 2 years, a letter written every week, should I mail to there? She has not left the address, can only finish a letter and seal up for safekeeping, writes " liked " on it each time Address. Over the past 2 years, on your birthday, I do not forget to give a present. Do not but does not know and mail to there, write " liked " Address,go to post office send,others treat me as neuropathy. Say this can not be sent, I tell staff members, it doesn't matter, please help me to send! Undoubtedly, the final result is making back, I go to fetch happy crown of the head in the happy top, I am very happy, I have accomplished the thing that I promised you, the commitments to you, I have fulfilled.
You just started a new term, phone your bedroom, I was so excited as to shed tears night. 54 are at night, heard your voice for the first time at last. However, a good time never lasts long. The new term begins till now, 10 days. Only say the words to you on the the evening of 6 days, have 2 nights to say you slept. Have 1 get to you bedroom pull out telephone wire you fail phone to answer me too night. Say the night before last after you sleep, I am still worrying whether can not hear your voice at 3 nights continuously. Last night, it is more evil to imagine more than I, the result of thousandfold has appeared.
Not still forgetting the air shower who dial you at first, though is a dead number, and I cancelled for you in person a few days ago. Can get used to for 2 years, can't always change. The continuous autumn rain has floated outside, I feel very happy, think about that can phone to you every day, listen to your voice. What is there the woolen cloth that unsatisfied with? The drizzle with wandering sky seems to link the complex of bunches of lovesickness to your miss, it is constant to forget.
Almost you should finish class subsequently, phone bedroom for the first time, nobody connects. The second time, say you have not come back yet. The third time, say you are having a bath. After 13 minutes, It's OK. While having one's heart filled with joyful hitting over for the fourth time, the other side say that has no you. Gave me a start at that time, but thought again, it must be that your room-mate was playing jokes on me. The other side says that has not really joked, I am flurried, verify the telephone number at once. The other side answers " yes " ,"What is the matter? " I ask the other side, the other side answers that has changed the bedroom. At this moment, if I fell into the icehouse, ask the other side for a good while. Help me to look for you, OK? Saying with no way out of the other side is unwilling. The fifth time, hit over for the sixth time, hope the other side can help me to look for you, the ones that were got are " impossible " Answer. As a result, I have thought one is the most cumbersome, but the most realistic, the most efficient method. I say that can make 200 yuan and go over, ask them to help me to look for you. The other side thought first I was joking, I said that could collect money from the audience first, then helped me to look for. Whom the other side does not understand ask first of me: "Is she your girlfriend? " Said how I think of " once! " But I can't, not that I can only say. Obviously, the other side is very surprised, wonder, ask me why. How they can know, a man's commitment should be defended with the experience of a lifetime! I only say this is private business, it is inconvenient to answer.
After the other side has promised, I hide in the wandering corner in the cold rain and smoke alone. Merciless cold wind seem merciless you, face to blow and beat me, make me can't help right tears. At this moment of 2.33 meters of men of mine, can not be strong unexpectedly.
One was drenched with rain to go home slowly and slowly, asked whether I had something in the forest. I force a smile, have answered. Do not believe, he guesses that it is involved in you to arrive, I can only do one's utmost to deny in the forest. He says: "You do not want to say let it pass, I do not force you either. " Only let me make a car and go home, I say I will sit while wanting to take the car in a moment.
Walk home all the way, having already drenched on one's body, but I have no time to take care of these. Touch cigarettes out slowly and slowly, is smoking in big mouthfuls. Recall that asked the thing of the telephone just now, if the other side would say tomorrow that can not find you, was not that deception? After all, " when a high reward is offered, brave fellows are bound to come forward " Ancient saying change reason,moreover, tone to listen to them, visit by gold realist. Listen to them discussing " 200 change a telephone number, all right " there! " Listen to so that I shake the head continuously. Even if given me your cell-phone number, what can be represented? Represent your deception of me? Because you have been saying all the time you have not used the mobile phone. Or has not changed the bedroom on behalf of you, has not just wanted to answer my telephone. But too shy to tell me that you have not changed the bedroom now? Even if how have you really changed the bedroom? How about getting your new number of the bedroom? You do not want to speak to me obviously, but I should have the nerve to ask you, ask you to let me make your telephone communication to you? I do not know, I do not know, I do not really know! Why treasuring in these years, such as me, to the end but still bring so dreary a final result? Why? Why? I do not really have languages that ask Heaven, why treat me like this? It is only the first 2 days I surf the Net and run into you, have not dared to speak with you on the net over the past 2 years, reason whether I afraid, I'm afraid you can say, make I sad words, can only see you flash head flashing quietly. But can't help speaking with you that day, perhaps it was I that told you, hoped you could observe the original promise, have observed the promise of letting me phone you every day and made the fatal mistake? I hate oneself, hate why take, go, deduce these oneself? The idea that I am really afraid of me is correct. I why bother your imagination can't bear like this? Why is it sad to force oneself to go? I want until whom you think good real really, U.S.A. a bit, why cruel reality allow me do it in this way. I want to ask: "I phone you every day, do not dare to extravagantly hope what still can we happen in the future, I only want to listen to your voice every day, fulfil the promise that oneself made originally. In this way I am very satisfied, is such a hope excessive too? "
Each all over tears flow,one time all over injure it sigh,time all over memory. However, at this quiet night, who can understand me before worrying about, the bitterness of my lovesickness? My heart suffering? I think, there is heavy rain of that cloudburst, a burst of is thunderous, and that narrate diary which have one's heart filled with the thing!
At this moment, sigh deeply: "Who solves me to worry about this former times? Wipe away tears frequently, Heaven visibly moved, weep down continuous autumn rain, I think bosom friend! ! ! " Seem Heaven experience sorrow of me, have louder Raytheons, resound through in the whole sky. It is to cry for me, roar for me, howl for me that like.
For a good while, there is not the tear, but the heart is aching yet. I realized deeply at this time what is named at long last " It has no tears that extremely sad" Artistic conception.
Worry, can relate to you and worry tomorrow me, toss about in bed difficult side, I'm afraid you have already fallen asleep, would not think of having my such a person at all, when when it is at insomnia,just it is for miss you.
It has been early for a long time, make a telephone call to your bedroom again, ask those to help me to look for your girl, ask them don't go, ask you telephone number directly, go, ask about, get where bedroom you live in first, go to ask your other people in the bedroom. I am afraid, I'm afraid you know I request them and help me to ask you the telephone number, and does not tell them. Have remembered dreaming about you dimly again last night, will not remember, only remember seeing you in the dream. This should be " thinks to some extent on day and dreams of to some extent at night " that the ancient say !
Unreconciled to, read good I of book originally, study hard every day now, in order to teach oneself. It is not other things, read only for thinking of the aspiration of reading in the heart, perhaps, only the books can let my mental state calm down any now.
Part I who am affectionate sadly, " phoenix's head hairpin " " breaks the a period of time " " swallow's song competently " to narrate the bitterness of one's own lovesickness after making one, wish you and I had not met each other again forever from then on, so perhaps I will feel better a bit. The ones that could make great efforts even more repay mother in painstaking all one's life.
" phoenix's head hairpin "
Hold the estate agent, the mandarin duck embroiders, it is every year old to fail to see human world. Double-phase appearance, only tears frequently, mountain alliance still yesterday, silk book feeling thin. Rub! Rub! Rub!
She is thin, still difficult, before worrying the heart entangles completely in a few years. Dream although dawn, mark getting difficult, it is difficult for lovesickness not to send, it is difficult for deep love not to ask. Moor! Moor! Moor!
Translate:
Once persistent your hands, liked the scenery like a mandarin duck, seemed to be in the general life in the sky, will know the look of human world there. Once two people were in love, by now, but only there is my alone frequent cry left. Make promise look like at yesterday, promise that make at the love letter can observe till now each other. That is a kind of torment! Torment! Torment!
Your appearance, your heart has changed, it is impossible as that of before (time has gone for ever too) Letting my heart tormented completely before worrying about of a few years. Though once love has been woken like dream, the deep love to you in bright dreamland, but the trace of the love was not finished at this point. Lovesickness of you can't find sustenance, does not know to your deep love who tells you and entrust. It's time to stop! It's time to stop! It's time to stop!
" break the a period of time "
Separate in one year and half a year,
1,500 kilometers of long feelings of way.
It is here that the mountain encloses the old surrounding area,
Decayed chilly desolate and cold patter of rain.
Joan transfer clouds to phoenix's dragon.
Who shoulders the mountain alliance's silk book?
The fallen leaves of autumn wind are difficult to be flat.
The severe cold of bitter heat is several spring and autumns,
The wave heart is difficult to swing to forget.
Full frost of surface comes dawn.
Translate:
The separation of one year and half a year, but keep the unreasoning passion. The green hill in front of the door, the scenery around has never changed (take advantage of the scene in order to chant oneself still the same as in the past, have never changed) ,Even that decayed patter of rain seems so dreary. The heaven and earth is general, but has exchanged the heart in a moment, how surprised is it? )(The dragons and phoenixes are one male and one females, liken the other side's heart to change here, has already been a former times of a today. )
Associate letter, a solemn pledge of love is who let down on earth? Sweep the whereabouts leaf, will not be stopped in autumn wind. (borrow thing suggest to leave the other side, unavoidable) Sad that one has gone through so many, it is really that the days pass heavily. When when care for you,can have forgotten. (frost refers to the tear) While waking up in the morning, find one's own whole faces are all tears.
1.3,000: Overstate words, can't forget the mutual affection natural to various types of human relationship in the past in order to express and go through all kinds of hardships and difficulties either.
2.The fine jade clouds: Nine days, or fly to the sky.
3.The severe cold of bitter heat: Mean that suffers many privations alone.
4.Several spring and autumns: Refer to since the half year, what time does it go through really?
5.The wave heart is difficult to swing to forget: Care for when the wave heart is while rippling and meaning, by making heart in turmoil, it is difficult to forget: Can't forget. [Double click and look over at the new window according to the primitive size ]
" swallow's song transportation "
The sound sound outside the window is thin, change one's clothes to get up to seek.
Smell the water droplet of the eaves sometimes, start to feel in the drunk dream.
The cloud and mist thing of sighing that repentant, sit and think in the coming year and count.
Strain, grow up to be a useful person for a long time, dream already and.
Getting up early seeks the old mark, turn over world in one night.
The season rain flies confusingly, everything is broken and broken to pieces oldly.
Burn the mark all over the city greenly, the end of the branch is at a disturbance of the spring in the air.
Pursue wall Zhu in a panic, only meet the old bosom friend.
Ask the south fly, can know at a distance returning to on the way on every people?
Know wishing to come back old, the deep trivial eyebrow is to one's heart's content.
On exchanges day of sense monarch, when I know changes in temperature.
The frost go to probably often, the language expire, answer first.
I wish that spring was everlasting, does not reply and take leave of.
That wants to express is the last sentence " if only spring is everlasting, do not reply and take leave of. "
Finally, finally! Perhaps really need me to have ten thousand wealth of family passed through one day, could let you come back to my side again. Just, I think I unreasoning passion at that time, like deeply, bitter you that treat, already in leave, already die that time in I?
I wish, all lovers all over the world don't take leave of things outside the body such as the wealth,etc.. Just as speak speeches in Mao Zedong's word: "So much rivers and mountains delicate, guide countless heroes compete and bow ....... Go to the limit! " Is there " mediocre profit of scholarly honor of official rank, become empty in an instant, life is bitter and short, why impose " even more? " " success or failure make a U-turn empty " Wait for speeches! Don't have dreary affectionate people who has endured the bitterness taken leave of to the fullest extent as me again.
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