The vulgar error lies in supposing that every woman's (and every man's) sex drive works in the same way. This is an error perpertrated in porn, but also in FEM-PORN: consider pieces of advice like "dress up in kinky lingerie" or anything including honey. Not every man likes that, much like not every woman likes to be spanked.

As a matter of fact, one of the most delicate (and enjoyable) things about a long-term relationship is exploring what the other person likes. But it cannot be rushed, at least not in my experience.

As always, the only absolute, is that nothing is absolute.

Having performed, received and observed this activity many times, and spent many pleasantly tipsy evenings discussing it with my female friends; I thought I would add my tuppence worth to this node.

The first thing I would like to say (to the ladies in the room) is probably the most obvious. Be clean down there! No man or woman wants a mouthful of rancid, sweaty lady parts (edit: some might, but I've never met one). Shaven or unshaven is a matter of personal taste, I personally prefer my playmates nice and smooth, mostly because picking hair out of ones teeth during bedroom activity is not very sexy.

It is worth bearing in mind, should you wish to perform this act for your partner, that you may be refused. This can be due to deep seated hang-ups (such as sexual abuse) but is most often because women think they are ugly "down there" This may be almost impossible for most guys to grasp, but do bear in mind young girls are rarely told about their outer sexual parts (the vulva) and all sex education focuses on the vagina and the reproductive aspects (inner parts). The Vulva is also comparatively hidden (the penis is kind of visually obvious) and women rarely if ever see another women's most intimate parts, even in the changing rooms. This leads to worries about "normality" and "messiness" of appearance. Obviously all genitalia are different from person to person, and reassuring her that her woman parts are beautiful and amazingly sexy may help relax her.

If she does'nt want it, don't be offended, you would do well to spend time telling her how you feel about her, what you see as good in her, why you want her, treat her, let her know she is not another conquest, that you really care for her pleasure. she may still not be up for cunnilingus, but it will certainly improve your relationship.

Women also have worries regarding taste and smell. All women have a smell, but it is usually not unpleasant, and most women taste slightly "tangy" (to me anyway!).

Now, down to technique

• Ask her what she likes! Some ladies are to shy to tell you, but trust me, even so, they will love the fact that you bothered asking. Should she be good enough to answer then do listen. Paying attention to the noises she makes whilst you are face down in her pleasure pie will also help.

• Wetness is very important, dragging a finger over a dry clitoris is very painful, and in addition, wetness (unless there is a medical issue) signifies arousal. When feeling unhorny having a guy shove his face down there and slobber away is about as far from arousing as it is possible to a sex act to be.

• Teeth: By all means, use them very gently (unless she shoves her crotch into your face screaming, "Make me bleed, beast man") nibbling the clitoral hood and inner labia feels very, very nice indeed. Biting the clitoris is a bad idea unless asked specifically, it is agony.

• The Clitoris should be worked up to, having first spent lots of time on other parts (nipples, earlobes, outer and inner labia for instance). whilst licking the clit without doing anything else will probably induce an orgasm it is the equivalent of a substandard knee trembler (better than nothing, but not great), and she may find it impossible to get into the mood at all if you treat her like a machine (the clitoris is not a button, which will always dispense one orgasm).

  Most women prefer stimulation without the clitoral hood retracted, as the clitoris itself is extremely sensitive (even a toungue can feel like sandpaper).

• Random and intersting fact: if your finger or toungue is resting on your lady friends clitoris during orgasm , you will feel it twitch very quickly, over and over again for seven to fifteen seconds... the same applies to her anus. this is not sure fire method of working out if she has oragsmed or not, but if she is very reserved, will tell you why she is smiling and cuddling you for no apparent reason!
  
  The clitoris can also become hyper sensitive after orgasm (somthing you chappies should be able to understand) although the female "latency" period is shorter than the males, please remember this, and lay off it for a while!

• Tongue action... flicking the toungue gently, slowly or quickly over the clitoral hood, and labia feels nice, shoving it into the vagina produces some interesting (and usually enjoyable) sensations. Some ladies love this, particularly if you thrust the tongue in and out (be wary of tongue ache).

• Fingers.. Are good for variation and giving your aching tongue a rest, a technique popular amongst my lady friends which combines fingers and tonguing can be best described as follows. Make sure she is very horny, slip one finger into her vagina, turn it upwards (so the palm is on the same side as her front, and the back of your hand faces her bottom) crook your finger, and feel for the soft, spongy part behind her pubic bone. You should be able to feel a "seam" with your finger tip, now make a "beckoning" motion with said finger, and be gentle. Apply your tongue to her clitoris gently, suck it, and brush your lips over it. She may go crazy and love this (I must say, in my experience, she will) or, she may feel like she is going to pee (this is because you are stroking her G-spot).

• The "back wall" of the vagina has a very thin layer of skin separating it from the anal passage, stimulating it is highly enjoyable for many ladies, but worrying (e.g.: I feel like I might poop) for a minority, even if you are doing it with the tip of your tongue.

• The cervix (feels like the end of your nose, located about 3 inches up the vagina and signifies the end of it) has No nerve endings for some ladies, andloads for a minority, be careful not to catch it with a nail, whilst it may or may not hurt, it will certainly bleed alarmingly. Stimulating this may be painful, or erotic. The reason I mention this is that, whilst concentrating on tongue action you may not notice that you are causing her some real harm.

• A B C - If you have had little luck finding her preferences for stimulation, this is a great idea, trace the alphabet all the way through with your tongue, first the tip, then the flat of it. Note which letters she prefers.. and think about which parts of her these letters stimulate. Bingo.

• Sucking: keep it gentle, beware of clitoral heamatoma (where too much suction cases a clot in the clitoris, it hurts like crazy.. I know from experience).. in addition, try it on the outer and inner lips as well.

• The Surroundings : make sure you are warm and comfy, propping her bottom up on a few pillows will help to intensify her orgasm as it tilts the pelvis, it will also save you neckache. Candles, clean sheets and music are optional, but appreciated.

• Breath: A warm gentle exhalation against the genitals feels lovely! Blowing hard against the clitoris also works for some ladies.

• Sexy talk: go for it, "oh you taste so good", "your pussy is gorgeous"... and similar, it's nice to hear it, trust me, getting her to tell you EXACTLY what to do can be a massive turn on, for her, and for you. Even if she is not inclined to vocalise, if you keep it up, she will start to respond, "oh, that's so good", harder" ........

REMEMBER: All women are different; none of these suggestions is sure fire. Even if one day they drive her to the peak of a screaming abandoned orgasm, which earns you a month of daily blow jobs, the next day she may want to take things more slowly, harder, softer... or she might not want foreplay at all.

I am not going to discuss anilingus (tonguing of the anus) here, as I feel I could easily devote a very lengthy node to this, and I would get out off topic if I started discussing it here.

Medical Notes

With your face so close to her beautiful lady bits, you are quite likely to be the first to spot issues down there, don't be shy about telling her (nicely) as you could save her life.

• Dry patches and soreness on the vulva can just mean she has changed soap powder, they can mean she has a mild infection (like thrush) but they can also signify cancer. Whilst Vulvular cancer is mercifully rare, it is often dreadfully deforming or fatal as women ignore the itching, and thinking they have thrush, self medicate it with cream. Explain this to her, look vulvular cancers up on the internet, explain why you want her to go to the doctor and offer to accompany her.

• White bits. Little white spots are normal, particularly around the clitoral hood. They do the same job as the little white spots under the ridge around the end of your penis, and are harmless oil glands. Flakes of white stuff (resembling cottage cheese) is usually smegma, lots of this combined with soreness/redness is generally thrush.

• Bleeding/weeping spots or sores. This = bad, both of you need to attend the doctors or STD clinic straight away.

• Lumps - tell her, get her to check and ascertain whether this normal for her, or not. But please do tell her.

• Bad smells do not generally signify bad hygeine; whilst all women have a unique scent, their gorgeous bits should never smell unpleasant. If she smells pretty awful (even after a shower) decline to go down on her until she goes to a doctors to get checked out. Point out that vaginal infection can result in infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease (P.I.D) and cervical cancer, explain you love her and are worried for her.

• Bleeding - "spotting" (light, short lived bleeding) out of a period is normal, but if it is persistent, painful, or your lover is carrying a child, encourage her to see a doctor.

• Periods - If this is your bag, have fun, otherwise, there is no problem with cunnilingus if your lover is wearing a fresh tampon and has showered after inserting it (other than avoiding the string).

• Pregnancy - Cunnilingus cannot harm a baby, in fact, as the woman's vulva has an unusually high supply of extra blood and hormones, (and may appear to slightly swollen as a result, which is normal) she will enjoy it even more. The baby feels those happy hormones released at orgasm and the orgasm also tones the intrauterine muscles. So go for it, you are making mum and baby feel great, and helping mums body prepare for an easier birth.

  hygiene for you:

• Brush your teeth first! The mouth contains thousands of harmful bacteria and germs, the vagina is surprisingly clean, and does not. Do not go down on someone if you spot anything worrying, do not go down on anyone if you have a dental infection (oral dams are good if you must) and if you intend to include your fingers, keep nails short, free of jagged edges and clean.

• SHAVE! Whilst having stubble is not dirty in itself, it can made a girls "Pretty Little One" very sore, in fact this soreness can easily escalate into thrush, as the skin is abraded.

• NEVER blow into a vagina, you may cause a fatal embolism.

HAVE FUN

Many many thanks to Paraclete for helping out with this one (specifically the HTML) you are a diamond!

This article is being continually altered and updated, as and when I learn more about my own body, and the bodies of the ladies generous enough to share theirs with me. Please pop back for alterations and share your comments with me!

1. Never fake an orgasm. It ensures that we'll keep doing whatever it is we're doing wrong (if anything). You don't enjoy it. When we find out, bad things happen with the relationship. (Though we might be touched that you wanted us to think that we were effective.) Besides, unless you're really good at faking it or the guy is really dumb and/or ignorant of female sexual physiology, we'll find out sooner or later.

2. Don't play mind games with us if you're trying to get us to ask you out. If you do something which makes us think that you're not interested and keep this up for a while, or if you engage in very contradictory behaviors, most of us will just blow you off.

3. After we're in a relationship, don't play dumb mind games. These include "Do I look fat?." Also included are things like "Do you think she's attractive?" because we can't win no matter what we say.

4. We like you, but that doesn't mean that we have to spend every waking moment with you. This goes double if we have something else very major going on like graduate school.

5. We like to receive odd little gifts and stuff too.

6. Sometimes we like to be the recipient of a romantic evening or romantic outing. It gets old if we're always initiating.

7. You won't change us. If a guy is an asshole, he will remain an asshole. If he's a nice guy, he will tend to remain one unless you somehow manage to convince him that women prefer assholes.

8. We like to be hugged and kissed too. Women don't have a monopoly on this.

9. Realize that it is human nature to look at members of the opposite sex. You do it too, and you know it, so don't get mad at us for doing the same.

10. Guys like sex. However, we don't like it when you sleep with us too soon. Sure, we like it at the time, but then we start to wonder how many other guys you've slept with.

11. Contrary to contemporary belief, some guys -- if you like guys who put some emotion other than lust behind things -- actually like it if you don't have sex with them until you're in a long-term relationship of some type. What kind of guy you're dealing with should be apparent pretty quickly in a relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that they want you to be a virgin until marriage, but this kind of guy does prefer if you're not that experienced. (You'll get enough experience with each other later anyway, and neither party is sitting there comparing the other to past partners.)

11. We aren't nearly as perverted as you think we are.

12. We aren't nearly as horny as you think we are.

13. Just because a guy doesn't give you a look like he wants to jump your bones and asks you out doesn't mean that he isn't interested.

Dr. Sandor Gardos provides us with this bit of official debunking:

While it is indeed a theoretical danger, I have never been able to locate a confirmed case in the medical literature, except in cases of pregnancy.

If you were to blow air very strongly into the vagina, with your lips pressed tightly against the vulva (thus preventing escape of the air), it is theoretically possible that you could create what is known as an air embolus. This is a form of embolism, where an air bubble blocks the passage of blood in an artery or vein. In severe cases, if blood flow is completely obstructed, the tissue in that area would die. If the embolus were to travel up to the heart or lungs, it would indeed be possible to die. You should know that when a woman is pregnant, and her cervix begins to dilate, she is more likely to suffer an embolism. In extremely rare cases, this has even been reported to occur from intercourse.

In the days before abortion was legal, many women used to die each year from embolisms created by the insertion of instruments into the uterus. So, yes, you can definitely die from an air embolus, but the question is how likely one is to be created from blowing air into the vagina.

I think it is pretty clear that normal, run-of-the-mill oral sex carries no risk. Even blowing lightly onto the vagina is perfectly fine. I would, however, avoid blowing strongly into the vagina, especially if your partner is pregnant. Otherwise, there is really nothing to worry about.

 

Yes, there is a very slight chance that an embolism -- a gas bubble in the blood stream, which can be deadly -- could occur if a guy were to blow extremely hard into your vagina. However, it would probably take a hefty, determined, hard, ceaseless blow into that `sealed' opening to create such an impact. Imagine blowing hard into a balloon with a tiny opening, with your mouth straining. That's the kind of blowing required to even tease out the possibility of such an occurrence. Heavy breathing is just not that kind of action.

Most oral sex performed on women includes gentle stroking with the tongue, licking and sucking, but not intense blowing. Some men and women report that blowing gently into the woman's vulva region is a way to create a pleasant sensation. That's about the only way that sending air on to or into your private parts usually occurs. So, let go of your worries about being blown away.