It looks like we have another contender in the Latin American hottie (non)competition: Cuba's Aylin Mujica certainly has the credentials for a winning entry, particularly if she enters with her back to the judges. (dailypoa.com)
In
an effort to quantify, qualify and classify all there is to know about
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Recently
I’ve been having a problem reaching orgasm when I have sex with my
partner. I come easily when I’m by myself, but when I’m with my
partner, I get really close to orgasming, but don’t actually get there.
He is really supportive about trying, but I end up getting frustrated
and stopping the whole thing. What can I do?
-All Out Of Answers
Cleveland, OH
This is a really common problem for women and probably happens to
everyone at least once in their lives. First of all, let me get this
out of the way and say that there is nothing wrong with you.
Since you are able to orgasm by yourself, this is most likely not a physical issue. If you were unable to come even through masturbation, I would suggest that you look at outside factors, such as are you taking any new medications or has your stress level increased recently. But, since you are able to climax at times, I’m guessing that this is more of a mental issue.
I’m not sure what may have started your problems with reaching orgasm, but from your question, it sounds like at this point you’ve become so focused having an orgasm that you’ve made it almost impossible for yourself to relax enough to actually get there. This is where the idea of goal-oriented vs. pleasure-oriented acts comes in.
Goal-oriented sex is what people usually think of when they are thinking about sex. It’s the basic idea of having sex (or fooling around/mutual masturbation/whatever) with the goal of orgasm - meaning that everything is done with the thought of climax in mind. This is pretty much how sex is defined in our society. Just look at how sex is portrayed in the media… no one ever just has sex to enjoy themselves - it’s always about getting off.
Pleasure-oriented, on the other hand, is all about having sex (again, or whatever) for the sake of getting pleasure from it. There is no final destination of orgasm or failure if you never climax. People tend to forget that it is even possible to have sex without worrying about “the big O.”
I would recommend that you and your partner try a pleasure-oriented approach the next few times you have sex and see if that takes the pressure off of you to orgasm. Ban climax from your fooling around and instead focus on making each other feel good. You can start this process with a playdate that doesn’t involve genitals at all, such as massage or focusing on breast play. This forces you to focus on the erotic aspects of other parts of the body that have nothing to do with coming (in a traditional sense).
Then, over a few sexual encounters, incorporate more body parts, including the genitals, but still, don’t let yourselves try to make the other orgasm. Slowly bring climax back into your sex life when it feels right to you and when you feel comfortable enough that it won’t feel like a pressure situation.
Other aspects to think about:
- Has anything changed with your partner? For some people, orgasm is linked to emotional connection, and when the relationship dynamic has changed at all, that connection is changed, which can lead to possibly preventing the same sort of comfort/ability to let go that can be needed to achieve orgasm.
- Is your partner touching you the same way or is something they are doing different? Maybe something has changed in the way you like to be touched? Communication is key to having super hot sex, as well as super hot orgasms.
- Are you stressed out about other things? Are you able to relax and enjoy yourself during sex, or is your mind thinking about the work you have to do, or the house being a mess, or whatever? Even the slightest bit of stress can sometimes make it really hard to enjoy yourself to the fullest during sex - and by fullest, I don’t necessarily mean orgasm, I mean having the most fun you can have at all.
The best advice I can give you is to just try and relax and don’t let yourself get so caught up in coming. Sex is supposed to be fun and hot and something for you to enjoy. Try the exercise I mentioned above and see what happens. You might even learn something new about what you like and what gets you off!
Remember, it’s not about destination, it’s about the journey it takes to get there. Have Fun.
J.D. Bauchery
Email J.D. Bauchery your questions!
Sex Toy
Lovely Rose
This is going to be short and sweet with two words: LOVE IT. It’s
jelly, which is the only downfall, but it’s finally answered my
prayers! So picture any of the above - the rabbit, the dolphin (in this case a seal), the beaver thing
, whatever - they’re all nice big and thick insertable vibrators with a
vibrating clitoral stimulator… awesome. Except the clit stimulator is
always oddly pointy, not the most comfortable thing for me. Lovely Rose has a nice bulbous clit stimulator - so much more comfortable and pleasurable (and less creepy than a tiny animal)!
What’s even more thoughtful in the design is that this little part is big enough to twist around give some nice butt action - vibration and/or insertion. Hi there! Bonus points, the insertable part rotates (g-spot action!). You can push the clit stim part away (jelly is good for something!) and let this part go for a while and still be very happy. The vibrator has 3 different speeds too, and the rotation and vibration are independent. Why aren’t more toys like this? Plus, it’s waterproof. My fave.
The buttons are on the base of the toy. You can sort of feel them, but I found I had to sneak a peek to adjust the settings properly without a surprise in changing the action in the wrong direction. But that’s a minor complaint that can be improved with practice… if only some guys could be so good!
The only negative (aside from the jelly material, but with the moves this has, I’ll totally deal): the name and box are kind of cheesy and if I shopping, I might giggle and pass. Honestly though, I have 2 other toys to review but I’m stuck on this one - it’s a total keeper. If this is the kind of toy you like, I HIGHLY recommend it.
Everything is coming up roses with a little help from the Lovely Rose.
Jamye Waxman
Read our interview with her!
For more Jamye, check out her new movie Personal Touch With Jamye Waxman Volume 1 or her website, JamyeWaxman.com!
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The Bisexual Question
Introducing a new monthly guest column by Audacia Ray!! J.D.’s Sex Tips will be back next week :)
I was not a porn consumer or seeker when I was a teenager. Though I was sexually precocious and promiscuous in many ways, porn wasn’t really on my radar. In fact, when a high school friend found me on MySpace recently and discovered that I’d become a porn director, he was pretty surprised. But since I’m a bit of an extremist, when I began to explore porn, I really did it up. And I wanted to find porn that was like me – bisexual.
At my first job in sex, I lucked into a treasure trove of porn with obsessively categorized videos, magazines, and mementos: the Ralph Wittington Collection at the Museum of Sex. I started as a researcher at the Museum and then became an assistant curator the year it opened – and in addition to jump-starting my career as a sex nerd, being exposed (ahem) to the wealth of smut in the Wittington collection plus meeting a delightful array of sex industry legends got me started on my own personal journey.
Among the carefully labeled boxes that contained videos in plastic archival boxes, polaroids of enthusiastic collector Ralph Wittington with a variety of stars, and a smattering of creepy flesh-colored sex toys was a box labeled “bisexual.” The contents were a bunch of Paul Norman films – the “Bi and Beyond” series that kicked off in 1988. The late 1980s through the mid-1990s were apparently the heyday for bisexual porn – if a heyday can be considered somewhat prolific production from one director.
I was a bit puzzled – this bisexual porn seemed to be kind of a crappy afterthought (even in it’s heyday). The main thing that distinguishes bi porn –then and today- from straight porn is the fact that men touch each other in it; porn with girl on girl action is essentially considered straight. And no one bats an eye if a female performer who does scenes with other women says she’s straight; but guys who do scenes with other guys are thought of as gay gay gay, whatever they call themselves.
In addition to the dude-on-dude action, the Paul Norman films often had “hermaphrodites” in them. In one of the films I saw, the so-called hermaphrodites were biological women wearing flesh-colored strap-ons with lots of concealer makeup so they kinda sorta looked like real penises. If you’re feeling generous, you might be inclined to think of these hermaphrodites as Havelock Ellis’ definition of bisexual - people with the genitals of both sexes. Or you might think that Norman either didn’t know MTF pre-op transsexuals exist or for some reason didn’t want to hire them. I don’t really know the answer to that quandary.
In Norman’s films, the performers generally give the impression that they are doing a job, and not one they entirely understand or think is sexy. To his credit, Norman’s films were a thing unto their own - bisexual porn. Since then, however, bisexual smut has been subsumed into gay porn, despite the presence of heterosexual and girl-girl (I hesitate to say lesbian) scenes. The porn industry seems to not at all believe that bisexuality exists, rather that for guys its a stumbling block on the way to full fledged gay, and that girls just want to get attention (and paying porn jobs) any way possible.
In porn, girls do each other with a male viewer in mind, and once a guy has done another guy rumors will fly about his sexuality for the rest of his career - often he uses a different name for gay and straight scenes. Many porn studios with contract girls don’t allow their girls to do scenes in bi movies or with men who’ve done gay scenes because of the associated stigma and the perceived risk of HIV infection. Sex educators and sex toy retailers know better and acknowledge a broader spectrum of sexuality, which is probably why one of the few bi movies of note in recent years, Slide Bi Me, was produced by the San Francisco-based Good Vibrations in 2001.
In 2006, when I got the opportunity to direct and produce my first porn film, I knew immediately that I wanted to make a film that did justice to actual bisexual experiences and identities (and I emphasize that both of those are plural). I aimed to make a film that captured some of the bi action I’d personally seen and participated in at private sex parties in my hometown New York City. I had a wild ride with The Bi Apple, which was released by Adam and Eve Pictures in February 2007. It all started with a big party in a strip club, which was followed by public screenings in Amsterdam, New York and Berlin (as well as plenty of -ahem- private screenings), an award for Hottest Bi Sex Scene at the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, a blurb in Oprah magazine, and a nomination for the GayVN Award for Best Bisexual Release. A lot of things about The Bi Apple don’t fit too well with the bi traditions - it has a female protagonist and a female director, and it features authentically bisexual performers, many of whom were amateurs.
A few people asked me if I felt weird about being given a nod by GayVN but being totally ignored by the AVN Awards, where niche award categories like “Best Internal Release” exist but bi porn is invisible. Honestly - no. I don’t really feel at home in either half of the porn industry - the halves are the problem for me. Sexuality isn’t black or white, there’s a lot of gray area - just have a look at the Kinsey scale and you’ll see that there are very few people who are perfectly gay or perfectly straight. When I first began to wade through the wealth of sexual media six years ago, I wouldn’t have believed that the sex industry could be so, well, conservative and narrow-minded about sexuality. But my experiences with seeking out and making bisexual smut have taught me that indeed, that is the case. Of course some of it is marketing – which I have great respect for. You can’t sell a product if you don’t have a specific name for it, and claiming to make anything goes pansexual porn would be met with silent dismissal from most distributors. But the way that most pornographers steer clear of bisexual activity is about more than marketing – it’s about homo- and biphobia, being afraid of fluidity, and maintaining an outdated, one-drop rule about gayness. In an industry where anal gaping, throat fucking, and group sex are part of normal, mainstream movies, it will always seem bizarre to me that bisexual interaction is the ick factor.
Audacia Ray
LiveGirlReview.com
WakingVixen.com -
Sex Without Porn? Love LA Rethinks the Adult Industry
A new monthly guest column by Audacia Ray!! J.D.’s Sex Tips will be back next week :)
What words strike you as “bad” ones? Maybe that’s a kind of weird way to start off a column on a porn site, because, let’s face it – you’re here for the bad words. And pictures. Or at least, the ones that are so bad, they’re good. But what about words that give you that “bad touch” skin crawly feeling? Everyone’s got them. For me, the phrases that make me feel icky are a few genital descriptors: “meat curtains” for labia and “blue veiner” for penis. Just writing that makes me feel gross, but luckily on the average day I can avoid any mention of those phrases because they aren’t especially common.
Ian Denchasy, however, has a much harder time avoiding the turns of phrase that make him feel icky – because they describe the industry he works in. Along with his wife Alicia, Ian founded and runs Freddy and Eddy, an erotic boutique in the Venice Beach neighborhood of Los Angeles that began ten years ago as a website ploy to get free sex toys to review.
Today the business has blossomed into one of the most unique sex shops I’ve ever been into – Ian prepares cappuccino almost as soon as visitors arrive, while Alicia gives a personalized tour of their space. First timers can expect to spend an hour or more perusing, chatting and learning, and though they might leave with a new product, they’re just as likely to borrow a book or movie from the lending library the couple maintains.
And those icky words that make Ian shudder? “Porn,” “adult,” and “novelty.” During a gathering at the Adult Entertainment Expo last month, I had an impassioned conversation with Ian about those words, and the fact that they make him feel gross about his sexuality and his desire to seek out erotic entertainment that will respect him in the morning. Although over the last twenty years we’ve seen the rapid growth of the women’s and couple’s markets (hence sites like this one), words like these persist, and they don’t do us any favors.
After one too many years of being put through the paces of adult conventions and feeling assaulted by ickiness, Ian and Alicia took the initiative to pioneer a new kind of sexuality event, Love LA.
The one day event took place on Sunday, January 27th in rainy Los Angeles largely due to the passion of Ian and Alicia and the sponsorship of the LA Weekly and Xbiz. Although from a distance it looked like a typical adult trade show, the organizers made sure it was anything but. For one thing, they decided early on that there would be no porn. That’s right: no 18-year-old girls in lucite heels, no balloon-breasted women signing 8×10s for a long line of admirers. No porn.
Where the porn would be in other shows like it, Love LA had welcoming booths in which independent sex toy companies had their wares on display and did a lot of meeting and greeting. They also offered up seminars throughout the day that ranged from bondage basics to tips on role play to lighthearted crafty fun like making explicit shrinky dinks. The whole event was billed as “the first ever Sexual Health, Education and Entertainment Exhibition,” and it seems to have lived up to the hype.
Olivia Hayes, who commandeers the Pleasure Happens blog for sex toy retailer the Pleasure Chest, was impressed with the swankiness of the event. “I think there was a strong commitment made to distance this event from the ‘trashiness’ people generally associate with sex toys and the like,” she says, “and I think [calling the event] ‘upscale’ would be about on par.” The event was full of retailers, with female owned and run companies having a major presence, and small, independent businesses overrunning the floor.
The mainstream adult industry is unfortunately characterized by faceless corporations or male leadership that would make anyone want to hide behind the anonymity of the typical adult transaction, but the small companies represented at Love LA take a different approach entirely.
Olivia reports that, “I felt like this event was really more about networking, brand awareness, and education… I wouldn’t say there were a ton of actual products sold. A lot of swag was given away and much networking was done, and I think that was more the point than to sell stuff, which I feel is more often the motivation behind other trade shows.”
The absence of porn seems to have affected the demographic of the attendees – Ian says that of the 1000 people who bought tickets, about 65% were female, and about half of those brought their partners with them. Olivia confirms this and says that, “There were lots of young couples, queer female couples (of all gender expressions…not just the lipstick lesbians that LA is known for), older couples that seemed a little shy, single people milling about…The only demographic I didn’t really get the sense that this event attracted were gay men.”
The questions Love LA asked were: can so-called “adult” businesses attract attention and enthusiasm if porn stars are cut out of the picture? Will consumers still know what they’re looking at without those words that make Ian go “ew”?
Overwhelmingly, the event answered both of these questions with a big yes. People who want to get sexy aren’t stupid, they don’t need to be talked down to or always have their basest desires appealed to.
But for this avowed pornographer and shameless smut watcher, eliminating the porn isn’t the best and only answer. Certainly it made planning easier, but hopefully with a little education and the positive example of the non-porn part of the biz, pornographers with their heads and hearts in the right place will be welcome in the future. The foundation is laid, and the potential is proven – it is possible to make sexy entertainment fun and welcoming without losing the mojo.
Click here to check out pictures from Love LA!
Audacia Ray
LiveGirlReview.com
WakingVixen.comCheck out her directorial debut, The Bi Apple!
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Power to the Pornographers: A Naked Revolution?
Introducing a new monthly guest column by Audacia Ray!! J.D.’s Sex Tips will be back next week :)
The idea of pornographers with ethics and strong political convictions seems ridiculous to many people. After all, isn’t porn just about overly-tanned hedonism, driven by the desire to make a mint while surrounded by swarms of hot chicks who wouldn’t otherwise give you (assuming the portly, fiftyish male “you”) the time of day? Not so fast, assumption-maker.
“I think a lot of folks are surprised that what I produce even exists,” says FurryGirl, “especially lefty/liberal sorts of people who have a condescending attitude towards the sex industry and people who work within it.” Furry Girl, so named for her commitment to her body hair, has been in the adult industry for five years. She quickly became a photographer and webmistress after she started modeling - and did the math. She cut out the content creator and manager middlemen and took control of production and marketing herself, and has reaped the benefits ever since. In addition to her eponymous site, Furry Girl runs a porn site featuring vegan and vegetarian models, VegPorn; a menstruation porn site, EroticRed; and the Sensual Vegan, an all-vegan sexuality products online shop. Beyond the fact that Furry Girl benefits better financially from cutting out the middleman-her sites are her sole source of income-she can market herself without the trappings of porno protocol. What emerges from her sites is the sense of Furry Girl as friendly, personable, and delightfully naughty, without a hint of the dirty shame that seems to permeate a lot of other sites.
Amateur and independent porn began getting buzz with the advent of the home video camera and the newly glorious ability it bestowed on the average electronics geek to film his or her pasty white ass bobbing up and down in a poorly lit guest bedroom in New Jersey (not to stereotype or anything). But it really took off in the early 2000s as the Internet began to emerge as the go-to place for sex businesses, especially homemade ones. More specifically, young, technologically inclined idealists began to turn to the Internet to create their visions of sex-positive culture online.
When the oft-cited Suicide Girls was launched in 2001, it positioned itself as a site of female-empowerment via Internet nudity. In subsequent years, this turned out to be a bit more complicated and maybe not really the way things were running behind the scenes. Still, there are independent pornographers whose hope for the empowering mojo of independent porn springs eternal. The Sharing is Sexy (SiS) collective is one such group - their freshly hatched and totally free website launched just last week. Unlike Furry Girl, the SiS folks have no intention of making a living from their work on the site. In fact, as collective member lotu5 puts it, “SiS came out of anti-capitalist activism. …all our content is free, we try to spend as little as possible, dumpster what we can, leech resources from universities and jobs and make everything free.” At the same time, lotu5 says that, “One of our primary goals is to not discredit sex workers and ‘for pay’ porn sites.”
Although I do raise my fist in solidarity with queer, feminist, indie pornographers like the SiS collective, it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of detaching images of people getting sexy from the money-making industry around it. Part of this, no doubt, is the fact that I’ve made my living in and around the adult industry for the past six years. My impulse is not “it’s a dirty business but someone’s got to do it,” but rather that if you’re going to put yourself out there in a very intense, life-altering way, you should be financially rewarded for it as handsomely as possible.
This isn’t to say that porn performers and producers should be doing laps in platinum-lined swimming pools, hungry people of the world be damned. In fact, there are a number of porn businesses that funnel some of their porn money into other sex-positive causes. Furry Girl donates 5% of earnings from her adventures in porn to the independently financed Scarleteen, a sexuality resource for teenagers. Madison Young, an adult performer and owner of the San Francisco art gallery Femina Potens, has also used her porn money to fund her work with the gallery, which shows art by women and transgendered artists. Madison also has a website, Anal4Art, in the works. “Anal4Art will feature hot queer and straight artists getting it up the ass in hot settings like rock venues, artist studios, art class, etc.,” says Young. The earnings from the site will benefit Femina Potens.
But what kind of cultural currency does a free porn site hold? For the visitors the answer is painfully obvious: unmitigated access to free porn (duh). But for producers and performers, things are a little more complex. The collective members of Sharing is Sexy clearly see their disregard for the finances of the porn biz as an act of resistance. “I came to SiS with the remembrance that the realization of my desires has healed my cunt from shame and abuse,” asserts collective member j, “and from this sexual liberation I am ready to share my desires.” For the collective, SiS is about sharing, and constructive exchanges around sexuality. This doesn’t make the site a higher form of porn than that produced by Furry Girl, Madison Young, or the hordes of producers churning out a new DVD every week. Instead, it’s a different form of sexual communicating. If the power of porn is handled well by people who over think (ahem), then maybe the way sites handle their money isn’t the biggest issue of them all, as long as everyone’s free to do as they please with their resources (whether those resources are flesh or cash).
Audacia Ray
LiveGirlReview.com
WakingVixen.comCheck out her directorial debut, The Bi Apple!
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European Ladies Making Thoughtful Erotic Films
Introducing a new monthly guest column by Audacia Ray!! J.D.’s Sex Tips will be back next week :)
European Ladies Making Thoughtful Erotic Films
If there’s one unifying force that brings together female porn makers on either side of the Atlantic, it is a commitment to thinking through the process of making porn before diving in headlong. Maybe that seems kind of dull - why spend all this time thinking when you could be coaxing local hotties into stripping down and showing their stuff in casting sessions? - but the proof is in the pudding. Erika Lust runs her ever-growing Lust Films out of Barcelona, while Julia Ostertag’s independent filmmaking projects are based out of Berlin - both women work against the grain to create unique films that showcase male and female eroticism in a carefully considered way.Though neither director shies away from the hardcore nature of porn, both of them reject the absurdity of the beauty standards and simplified sexuality presented by mainstream culture and pornos that are typically aimed at a male audience. Lust observes that, “One of the most repeated clichés is the fact that male porn directors like to portay slutty lolitas, horny teens, sex maniac nannies, desperate milfs, hot nurses, nymphomaniacs hookers, and gangbang heroines - these women are THEIR ideal sex partners. And the guys in the movies are almost always mafia guys, pimps, dealers, multimillionaires, afroamerican mega sized sex machines - (these are the THEIR sex heroes.” Instead of these overblown, eye-roll inducing stereotypes, Lust prefers to watch normal looking people having sex they enjoy under circumstances that most viewers can identify with. Ostertag concurs and takes this one step further, saying, “There definitely should be more real cool strong hot women in front of the camera that I as an ‘intelligent hot girl’ can identify with.”
Lust and Ostertag both forgo casting agencies to find performers for their movies - it’s a much more involved and personal process than that. Lust searches for talent who are good looking but don’t look like porn stars throughout Spain and also in the Balearic and Canary Islands. Ostertag doesn’t do casting sessions at all, choosing instead to trust her intuition. “I watch people and try to find out if they would also work in front of a camera,” she says, “So I talk to them to find out if the chemistry is right and arrange a test shooting. Berlin is a good place to work that way as there are a lot of people around who are curious and open.”
Although the two directors have a common vision and share a critique of the way most porn is made, the execution of their concepts is very different and very much linked with their personal tastes. Lust directs her films for a female audience and tries to appeal to feminine - and feminist - sensibilities. Her short film “The Good Girl,” which has now become a part of her most recent feature-length movie, “Five Hot Stories for Her” (http://www.cincohistorias.com - only in Spanish at the moment), has a tongue in cheek approach to the typical porn set-up -there’s a hot pizza delivery guy- but a heavy focus on the woman’s fantasy and pleasure. The man in the film is very much a prop, but not in the ugly-man-with- only-his-cock-in-the-frame way that is prevalent in so much mainstream porn. The characters interact with a lot of playfulness, and the film is shot to give the viewer visual pleasure in looking at the sex as well as the filmmaking. Lust asserts that porn made for men and porn made for women are different kinds of products, and says that, “Women have the right to have our own explicit movies.”
Although Julia Ostertag finds sex in film compelling and thinks of her films as visual experiments or research studies about human desire, identity and sexuality, she doesn’t exist entirely within the realm of pornography. She films explicit sex in her movies, and considers herself to be a female director working with the language of eroticism, but calling her work porn is a bit simplistic. And though she is indeed a female director, she doesn’t see this as a compelling reason to focus exclusively on a female audience.
Ostertag’s first experiment with sex and film involved her own body and sexuality as the subject. The 10 minute short, entitled “Sexjunkie,” is very revealing both physically and emotionally - it’s haunting and sexual, and not at all a commercial porn film. The director has also brought her aesthetic to the commercial porn industry in Germany, where she had to curtail her artistic vision a little bit to give the company what it required. She is currently working on a gritty, independently-produced experimental feature-length narrative film tentatively called “Wasteland,” which Ostertag says is, “About a girl in a post-apocalyptic wasteland area who kills her lovers in different ways after having sex with them.” Though she says that the film is experimental rather than pornographic, it certainly toes the line and won’t shy away from explicit depictions of either sex or violence.
Both Julia Ostertag and Erika Lust have spent the last several years honing their craft, but the results have been very different. Each of the women supports female empowerment for women in erotic films, but the aesthetic and the content of those films ranges from Lust’s tender and playful to Ostertag’s rough and intense. But these visions of sex and sexiness aren’t mutually exclusive - they are part of the fabric of new erotic cinema that is being woven in both Europe and the United States.
Learn more about Erika Lust’s work on her website, http://www.erikalust.com
Learn more about Julia Ostertag’s work on her website, http://www.julia-ostertag.de
Audacia Ray
LiveGirlReview.com
WakingVixen.comCheck out her directorial debut, The Bi Apple!
Between Takes With Nica Noelle
Never Say Never
I guess the old adage “never say never” is true after all.
I always said I would “never” do a boy/girl scene, and I meant it. And now here I am about to do one. Granted it’s going to be edited as soft-core so it won’t be an “explicit” scene. And it’s for a lesbian feature film, so I haven’t defected to the other side or anything. But it will still be a brand new experience for me.
Originally I didn’t expect the scene to have much importance. It was meant to show the relationship between a “straight girl” character and her cavalier, thoughtless boyfriend. I’d planned to cast a functional male performer in the boyfriend role, as soon as I could figure out who the best candidate was. But I certainly didn’t think I’d be into the scene on a sexual level — I just wanted to get it over with.
I’ll admit that it’s not often I feel an overwhelming attraction to a man. I experience moderate attractions from time to time, and every now and then get a respectable (if fleeting) “crush.” But rarely does it motivate me to spring into action. I don’t pursue men or dream of romantic trysts with them. I’m much more likely to develop such fantasies and feelings toward a girl.
But every once in a while my mind and body has an unexpected reaction to someone of the opposite sex. This exception happened most recently in Las Vegas during the 2008 AVN convention. I was hanging out at Circle Bar with Michelle Lay one night when somehow we got on the topic of male porn stars.
“I don’t know who any of them are,” I admitted. “I never watch boy/girl porn. I don’t think I’d want to be with any male porn stars. Oh, except maybe that one guy…”
“Who?” Michelle asked excitedly.
“I don’t know his name but he’s really beautiful – I think he’s French?”
“Manuel Ferrara!” she said, guessing the one man who fit that description.
“Is that his name? Yeah, he doesn’t seem like a typical porn guy, but I’ve never met him…”
And then suddenly, as if on cue, Manuel Ferrara was standing in front of us. It was as if he’d simply dropped out of the sky.
“Manuel — we were just talking about you!” Michelle said. “Nica was just saying that you’re the only guy whose porn she’d want to watch!”
Manuel turned to look at me and I was instantly frozen. Felled by a tragic case of “deer in the headlights” syndrome. Couldn’t move; couldn’t speak. Finally I uttered “hi” – or I think I did. Manuel was very gracious about my sudden catatonia, though he looked a bit puzzled. He was charming and friendly and then he moved on.
“Nica, I hate to say this, but you just acted kind of retarded in front of him,” Michelle whispered to me.
“I don’t know what happened,” I said. “I couldn’t even open my mouth.”
“Oh my god — YOU like a BOY!” Michelle teased.
Over the next few days it seemed the Gods were having a marvelous time at my expense. Everywhere I went I would run into Manuel Ferrara. I’d pass by him in the convention hall, at the bar, in the lobby, at the awards show. And any time our paths crossed Manuel would be charming, sweet and elegant. Me? I acted like a complete moron.
“Please do not be afraid of me,” Manuel said to me in his terrifyingly sexy French accent. He didn’t want me to be uncomfortable, and he couldn’t understand why I was having so much trouble.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. And I was sorry — for myself. I meant to act sophisticated and confident; not like a fifteen year old girl meeting her favorite rock star. But despite my odd behavior we managed to become friends by the end of the week. Our friendship was largely based on the fact that I couldn’t speak to him in full sentences, but to him that was part of my charm.
“I’d like to say more to you, but I just can’t seem to talk,” I explained.
“But that is what is so cute!” he said.
Manuel is nice to girls. I can’t stress enough how powerful that is, and how easy it is to pick up on. There are plenty of guys (particularly in Los Angeles) who strut around like they’re God’s gift to women, and exude a vaguely hostile, contemptuous vibe toward the gentler sex. Manuel is not one of those men. His love of women and generosity of spirit makes him even more beautiful than do his high cheekbones, full lips and gorgeous body. And that combination of extraordiary beauty and sincere humility is intoxicating.
When I returned to Los Angeles I turned my attention to Sweetheart’s next feature film, “Angel.” I needed to cast my character’s boyfriend — a role that would be limited to some heated dialogue and a quick soft-core scene. I called Katherine Annelle to ask her advice about male performers.
“What about Manuel Ferrara?” she suggested innocently.
The Gods were up to no good again. But the idea was certainly exciting, and I trust Kathy’s judgment. I decided to ask Manuel if he’d be interested. (That is, if I could get the words out.)
Manuel graciously agreed to play the role. Then he added, “You are aware that most people do not hire me for my acting, right?”
Gulp. Yes, I’m aware. Am I ever.
I told him that I’d never done a boy/girl scene before, so we’d both be trying out new territory albeit in different ways. He said he was game.
After casting Manuel it occurred to me that although the scene will be edited as soft-core, it will now be authentic — just as my girl/girl scenes are. I won’t be faking the attraction or the chemistry, and I know I can trust him to lead the way to a great scene — rather than one I just want to “get over with.”
So it seems the Gods weren’t having fun at my expense in Las Vegas, after all. They were just pointing me – speechless though I might have been – in exactly the right direction.
Look for Nica Noelle’s first ever boy/girl scene in the upcoming Sweetheart Video feature film, “Angel.” Check www.sweetheartvideo.com for more details and upcoming release dates.
Love,
Nica
Director, Writer & Performer
NicaNoelle@aol.com
SweetheartVideo.com
Watch Nica now!
(Watch her as Sydni Ellis!)
And coming soon... erotic lesbian movies from Sweetheart Video!
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