name: geminimay_no
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Fun Stuff - How to ...!
20 January, 2007
When having sex in Poland
| (idea) by kessenich (1.6 y) (print) | ? | 2 C!s | Sat Nov 13 1999 at 14:36:45 |
help yourself out with these useful phrases: slower. wolniej. VOHL-nyay.
faster. szybciej. SHIB-chay.
What is that for? Po co to? poh tso toh
Please be careful. Ostroznie, prosze. ohsh-ROZH-nyeh, PRO-sheh.
I want adhesive tape. prosze o plaster. PROH-sheh oh PLAHS-ter.
I have enjoyed myself very much. Bardzo mi bylo przyjemnie. BAHR-dzo mee BI-woh pshi-YEM-nyeh.
Tips for having sex in an elevator
| (idea) by TMA (4.4 y) (print) | ? | 1 C! | Fri Jan 28 2000 at 20:14:23 |
(Based on what I observed while waiting for the elevator at a friend's apartment building.)
|
| (idea) by jaybonci (3.8 mon) (print) | ? | 2 C!s | Mon Jan 15 2001 at 20:47:40 |
Other suggestions for sex in an elevator:
|
| (idea) by Footprints (7.9 hr) (print) | ? | 6 C!s | Wed Feb 20 2002 at 9:29:24 |
But I think that some more tips should be added. All of these, of course, are from personal experience.
- Regardless of what you usually say or scream during sex, try not to shout things like "Oh my God, somebody please help me, I'm dying in here," or "Somebody call the fire brigade".
- On a related note: if you're having sex in your boy/girlfriend's apartment building, and there is a good chance their parents are currently wating for the elevator, don't shout things like, "Oh, yes, Jeremy, fuck me harder, yes, come all over my face."
- Don't get too romantic. In particular, Don't light candles!. If something catches fire, you're fucked (no pun intended), because you're not supposed to use the elevator during a fire!
- If you're used to using a vibrator, use a battery operated one, because most elevators don't have a socket.
- Although it's tempting, don't have sex with more people than the elevator is supposed to hold. If it is a 6 person maximum elevator, have sex with no more than 5 people at one time. With all the moving around, you might put too much strain on the elevator, and plummet to your death.
- This is similar to the last point. Remember, an elevator can only handle a certain weight. Check the maximum weight before you decide whom you are going to have sex with. For example, few elevators can support the weight of a grown cow. If you really wish to have sex with an animal in an elevator, consider a sheep, or even a chicken.
- Try to clean up. Be a friendly neighbour.
- Smile at the elevator camera.
That girl I met in the elevator
| (person) by jaybonci (3.8 mon) (print) | ? | 2 C!s | Fri May 25 2001 at 6:34:40 |
The elevator ride... a small space almost designed to violate your personal space. You are uncomfortably connected with every sweaty, smelly, old, young, talking, humming, busy, meandering, loud, or silent person you stand next to. The ride takes forever... until she steps in.
A breath of fresh air as the door opens and then another fills your nostrils as you see her smiling face walk into the compartment. Yes HER. Your personal space is no longer being violated, but rather blissfully shared. Her scent is in the air as she walks in; light, feminine, yet strong and beautiful. Your thoughts move onto her presence, yet you can't turn to look, for she would notice your fixation.
She stands next to you; far enough to be separate, but close to sense her being. "Fourteen, please." Her voice rings in the darkness like a thousand silver bells, all rung for you. She takes her place next to you and suddenly, all the other passengers are now gone in spirit; only your anonymous companionship with her is left. Her light dress settles into place shortly after her, and the car begins it's ascent.
You only have moments together. Yours thoughts don't turn to lust, or future, or relationship, but her smell, her breath, and that little glow about her face as she smiles. She was put there for you, it seems, a ray of sunshine in the old business-suit world. Those light glimpses of her that infect you and engulf you; they make you want more...like a butterfly on your hand; so beautiful that you must hold it, but so gentle you mustn't startle it, or it will fly away, never to be seen again.
She sways gently to the grumbling motion of the people mover, another helpless traveler in the confines of the machine. She brushes your hand; her skin so gentle and smooth... Both of you laugh nervously; did she feel that too? A burst of cold and hot; a tingling, sensual, anf wonderful flash of energy draws up your arm, making you pull it away. You draw your hand back and put it in your pocket. Hesitant to show your intent, but craving more, you hold back and let society win over your curiosity and cravings. You feel how much you could lose yourself, if you had just one more second to hold that hand.
With the bell akin to the end of a class, the doors fly open to her floor. You watch as your object of rapture begins her departure. She walks out of the steel jaws into the light of business and professionalism, your minute over. In the last moment she turns back to you, smiles and gives a quaint "Goodbye!" as if she knew you. Your moment is ripped away by the gate of your artificial prison, summoned by the old man quick on the "close door" button. "Did you not see that?" you think to him. "Did you not see that?"
It won't leave your mind... There it burns into your memory. Everything about that split second will never leave your being; the smile, her bright green eyes, the way her hair fell across her shoulders...her scent... oh her scent. All of it, a glimpse of this one person; an angel sent to ruin a day's work with her smile.
About some girl
| (person) by elluzion (1.9 wk) (print) | ? | 9 C!s | Thu Aug 02 2001 at 14:38:18 |
Sometimes I feel like women are all I think about, and I feel like some girl-crazy teenager. So I hide it. Try not to glance as much as I would like, or try not to speak my mind as often as I could. But I just read my first Bukowski book. And he was even more crazy than I am. And we all agree that Bukowski was cool, and I don't feel so bad anymore.
So let me tell you about this girl I saw the other day.
I was driving down West End, on my way to the book store when I passed her. She was pushing a bicycle down the sidewalk. I spotted her and could not take my eyes off of her.
She was tall and slender. With blonde hair, tied up onto the back of her head, no doubt to help with the heat. I don't normally go for blondes so much, but damn. She was wearing a yellow sundress, which I have always believed to be the single most maddening article of clothing a girl can have in her man-catching arsenal. Every woman should own one, a yellow one. They are so practical during southern summers, a girl can pretend she doesn't know what it looks like on her and go about her day pushing a bike down the street and stop traffic. Her hair wagged behind her as she walked. How cool is that?
She was smiling. Not a big goofy, toothy grin. But a small, private smile. I was dying to be a part of her joke. I was driving at about 5 miles an hour at the time, looking at her. So there is a good chance that I was the joke. Thats ok, I never pass an opportunity to make somone smile. Especially a someone in a yellow sundress.
She looked like the opening scene of a Zalman King movie. They always start out like this, a beautiful girl doing something ordinary, imagining a dark fantasy that plays itself out within the next few days, or remembering the time she betrayed her true love, and loved every minute of it.
Her bicycle looked like something made in France prior to World War II. Dark red, curvy with a thick sturdy frame. Old tires and thick spokes. No reflectors, no stickers or labels. Utilitarian. There was something roughly shoebox sized wrapped in butcher paper attached to the back of the seat. Zalman King to the hilt. I had to be part of this scene.
I scanned the street and found exactly what I expected. Not a parking spot to be found. I could drive down the street and park at the bookstore, or at that fancy chinese place. Then I could walk up the street in the opposite direction and bump in to her. It might work.
I would shake her hand, and she would smell vaguely of patchouli. We would stand in front of Wendys and have an awkward conversation. She would have a light, airy name with few syllables and no hard consonants, like Celine or Anna. I would invite her to cross the street with me and walk in the park. She would glance at her package, consider and agree. In the park we would talk about boring things and find that we have essentially nothing in common. She would read Jane Austen and watch Gone With The Wind at least once a month. I read Phillip K. Dick and watch Red Shoe Diaries (I would leave out the Red Shoe Diaries part though, I'm not a complete idiot).
Ignoring our lack of common ground and justifying my reasoning with a Paula Abdul song (it doesn't take much) I would get caught up in the moment and invite her to dinner. She would accept, for a reason I could not imagine. I would take her somewhere quiet and dim. We would again discuss our conflicting tastes, and get along marvelously. Intrigued by each other's differences we would start a cautious relationship.
Eventually her bike would be parked outside of my apartment. Inside, she wrinkles her nose at my dirty bathtub and can't believe how many cans of Chef Boyardee I have in my cabinet. She would be the type who doesn't need to jog in the mornings. I would be the type who needs to, but doesn't. She would come over after work and open the blinds in my bedroom. She would convince me to finally take the empty boxes from when I moved in two months ago out to the dumpster. She would make me throw away dead batteries and clean off my coffee table and start using coasters. She would suggest paintings for me to hang on my bare walls and frown at my Weezer flag. I would buy half of her recomendations and hang them, and not take down the Weezer flag. She would remind me to do laundry before I had to wear Dr. Suess socks. She would add a kind of balance and organization to my life that I've not had since I lived with mom.
Eventually our differences would catch up to us, but by that point its too late for me. I would feel rejuvenated and energetic. She would feel bored and restless. After a few months she would do the smart thing. Put my heart in a shoebox and wrap it in butcher paper, pin her hair up and then head off down West End Avenue.
I played the whole thing out in my mind in a few seconds. I glanced at her bundle of paper on the back of the bike seat. I drove off to the book store and bought a Bukowski book.
Another heartbreak avoided.
Thank God for my imagination.
Anal sex
| (idea) by masukomi (9.4 mon) (print) | ? | 5 C!s | Mon Sep 25 2000 at 4:00:35 |
Some notes:
This is a strictly physical how-to guide. Anal sex is obviously not for everyone but it is my belief that if done right it can be lots of fun with a partner or with a favorite sex toy. It is my intent to provide a step by step how-to with common sense advice, as a result this will not be even remotely erotic.
Please read the Everything2 medical disclaimer before making any decisions based on this node.
Preparation:
There are a few things that you will need before attempting this for the first time:
- lubricant: some women can just move some excess vaginal lubricant down to the anus and it will work fine. But this is not the case for all women. If you aren't particularly juicy , or you're a guy, go to your local sex toy shop and pick up some lubricant. I recommend Astroglide. It's the only brand I've ever used but it works wonders and I have friends who have experimented with other brands and prefer this one. Please follow the astroglide link for more details. Spit can get you started but it doesn't generally last long. K-y is probably the best known lube but it gets sticky too quickly.
- a very caring partner, or a vibrator/dildo.
Getting there:
Ok, before you even get to the point of inserting anything sizeable into your anus I recommend moistening your middle finger and lightly running it over your anus while you are masturbating or being sexually stimulated in any other way. It is very important that you don't clench it up. If you do the more sensitive part will get sucked in and it won't feel terribly interesting. This stimulation alone can feel quite good but if it doesn't to you I don't think you're going to enjoy taking it any further. Take your time with the following steps. Some people may get all the way to full anal sex the first time while some may take many times to relax enough.
Everything from this point on is dependant on you being able to relax your anus. This can be difficult the first couple times as you're whole life you've been working on keeping that hole closed. It can also depend on you feeling emotionally relaxed enough to let yourself physically relax that much in the presence of another person. Deep breathing can be very helpful in relaxing the anus. Also, just getting used to being touched there can help you to relax. It should go without saying, that you should not do this if you have to poop , unless, of course, you or your partner are into excrement. Also remember that the anus is not a sanitary environment so nothing you insert should go anywhere near a vagina without being thoroughly cleaned first. It is also very important that your fingernails are short and don't have any sharp edges. This is also a very good rule when inserting them into a vagina as long or sharp nails can create micro-lesions on the vulnerable inside walls which can lead to infection. This is not something you want in either place. Like everything else in life, take a break if it hurts and stop if you see blood.
When you are ready relax your anus and slowly insert your finger; I don't recommend moving up to anything larger yet. Go slow and use a back and forth motion to get it in. A straight push may hurt depending on how much lubricant you have and how relaxed you are. Once it's in there you'll probably be a bit tight. Just leave it there without moving it until you fully relax. The sensation can feel similar to having to poop. In my experience this goes away after the first couple times or possibly after you get to the stage of actually having anal sex. Once you have relaxed enough try moving your finger in and out and wiggling it around inside. You will start to learn what does and does not feel good for you but this is only the tip of the iceberg.
If you press your fingertip into the side near the opening you should be able to feel the two sphincter muscles. They are about a quarter of an inch apart. The outside one is controlled by you. The inside one is controlled by the autonomic part of your nervous system and will react to fear and anxiety. So you really need to be comfortable with your partner and surroundings.
Moving your finger around in there may feel interesting but not be all that you hoped for. Don't worry, the sensations get more interesting when you finally move to something larger. Some people will find this to be more than enough fun and actually more pleasurable than actual anal intercourse. Be careful what you do with that finger when you're done.
When you finally move to something larger you will find that you only want to insert it so far. After that it will start poking into uncomfortable parts. Some angles may also be uncomfortable for you. Be sure to use plenty of lube. You will generally find that , like vaginal sex, you need to start off slowly. If you're moving up to a penis be sure that you have a caring and sensitive partner with you who will pay attention to your needs. Anal sex can be uncomfortable, or even painful, if done without paying attention to what the receiver needs.
"Diet contributes to the enjoyment of anal sex. Regular bowel movements are the major function of the anus and rectum. There must be sufficient fiber in a person's diet to make his or her feces soft, bulky and well formed. This allows a bowel movement to be produced without force or effort. Forced evacuations irritate anal tissues, causing discomfort and adding to muscular tensions. Fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains or unprocessed bran are important sources of fiber. " -sexuality.org
Now, that you know the basic mechanics let's move on to how to make the experience as pleasurable as possible.
Satisfying the anus:
- with vibrator/dildos
- Be careful not to turn vibrators up too high. Otherwise, your anus can go a bit numb for a while afterwards. This is because the sphincter closes much more tightly around it than a vulva usually can and thus absorbs more vibration.
- with a penis:
- Beware of penises that are too large. Too large is uncomfortable. Penises that are too small can occasionally get pushed out when you clench too hard. You don't have this problem with a dildo because you can hold it in. The man penetrating you won't be expecting it and will usually get pushed out at least a little bit.
- as long as you are lubricated you shouldn't notice a difference between a penis with or without a condom in terms of friction.
- with either:
- Most of the sensation for you and your partner comes from the sphincter muscles at the opening. In and out motion can be very stimulating here, the more the better. Like vaginal sex, really fast is a completely different sensation from really slow. Just be sure to not poke in to far or at the wrong angle. Like vaginal sex there really isn't that much to it. It's simple, and fun.
- Doggie Style is not the only position you can do this in. Some people find lying on their backs with their butt and lower back propped up with pillows to be a great position for receiving. You can also do it while spooning, bent over a table, riding your lovers penis, or strap-on, or any other position that sounds interesting to you.
- If the receiver here is a male don't forget to stimulate the prostate "which is just beyond the rectal wall, a few inches in, towards the front of the body - can be a source of pleasure when massaged by a finger, an object, or a penis. Also, the lower end of the penis, or "bulb," is near the anal opening opening. It is stimulated indirectly by most types of anal sex" -sexuality.org
- after orgasm some people find it uncomfortable to keep anything inserted into them.
Satisfying the penis and man:
- Clenching your anus can enhance the sensation for a man penetrating you
- The greater their range of motion the more stimulating it is for them. So, the more deeply they can move in and out the better.
- Men generally find anal sex to be very pleasurable because of how tight it can get, so don't forget to squeeze.
- Some men also find it visually stimulating with a doggie style position because , unlike with vaginal sex, they can see everything that is going on.
- Some men also find the taboo of not using a condom (which I don't recommend for many reasons) to be a turn on. There is of course the whole argument about it being more sensitive without one but I will leave that up to you.
Afterwards:
- Obviously be sure to thoroughly clean off anything you've inserted before it touches anything. You may want to have a washcloth or saran wrap or paper towel nearby to set your dildos on without having to get up wash stuff in the middle of
- If you want to go quickly from anal sex to vaginal sex just be sure to have condoms on your partner or dildo and change them between orifices.
- When you're all done you may feel a warm, almost tingly, sensation for up to 30 minutes afterwards. Not everyone experiences this and it isn't a bad feeling at all. You may also feel like pooping. It seems that sometimes that much action seems to set things in motion and you end up going sooner than you would normally expect.
Common Questions:
Isn't it dirty? Not really so long as you have pooped recently and/or don't feel you'll have to go any time soon. But, remember that sooner or later you are bound to encounter a little piece of brown. Don't get freaked. It 's not going to hurt you and if the penis in question wore a condom it will have never actually come into contact. Your dildo/vibrator won't care in the least.
Will it hurt? Not if done correctly.
Can I come from anal sex alone? Yes, well, some of you will be able to but we're actually a minority. Most people will also need some genital stimulation to reach orgasm.
What about condoms? Use 'em. Just because there's almost no chance of getting pregnant this way doesn't mean you can't catch a disease this way. I hear tale that those little spermies can cross the wall adjoining the vagina and then make their way to awaiting eggs but this sounds highly suspicious to me.
Will I go to hell for this? Only if you die before you make it to confession.Is this really illegal? In America almost every sex act that isn't heterosexual missionary position sex is illegal . I can't comment on other countries.
What about analingus/rimming? That's another node entirely. I'll link to it once I get it written.
I'd like to say thanks to all the men and women who helped by answering my questions. That means you too randir. ;) If you think I've left anything out please /msg me. Also I'd like to thank the creators of sexuality.org. I found a few things I'd left out there. And no, I didn't copy this from anywhere.
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