The Winkle Files

Near-special burns unit experience at sea

The other day, a small group of us went out in a friend’s boat for a spot of sundown wakeboarding.

We stopped off at the floating marina petrol station in Dubai Marina and filled ‘her’ up to the brim with the juice.

All appears to be normal when ‘she’ stalls about 20 meters or so from the floating petrol station. So my friend turns the engine over several times but nothing.

On about the fifth attempt at starting ‘her’ up again, there is an explosion, and below-the-knee-height flames come out of every gap inside the boat (from the front and the back).

Within two seconds, without even having time to shout “abandon ship”, all four of us where naturally over the side, startled, burnt and treading water in the marina.

Next there is an even bigger bang, at which point we all duck under the water and when we surface, the boat is pouring out grey smoke and it stinks of burning plastic.

A marina security boat comes burning up to the scene and tells us to start scooping water into the boat (a really wise idea with a petroleum fueled fire!). We refuse, so he backs his outboard engine near the boat and starts churning water up and into it. Then another boat comes onto the scene with CO2 extinguishers and thankfully begins to put out the fire.

We drag ourselves out of the water and onto the dock of the floating petrol station, all with legs and feet burning and not a hair to be seen from the knees down.

We’re still not sure what created the explosion but the local fire department is investigating.

Video explains the world's most important 6-sec drum loop

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SaFTm2bcac

Now Wash Your Hands

A regular on the LA party scene tells us of a recent occasion in LA when he was at a club with Paris Hilton. She was happily chatting away to friends when a guy she didn't know sidled up close to her and started fingering her.... Paris apparently didn't bat an eyelid and just carried on her conversation.

What people are asking this week...

Which actor, who still appears on TV but is probably best known for a starring role in the first of a long-running movie franchise based on a much-loved TV show, is currently staying in a hip central London hotel? The actor so enjoyed his in-room massage this week that he did a full Kevin Costner. Without any shame the actor looked up at the masseur, asked her for some tissues and gave himself a Happy Finish.

Puffing

Kate Moss did a recent shoot for Agent Provocateur (the oh so sexy underwear brand), where she smoked 60 cigarettes in the three hours.

What people are asking this week...

According to a football writer, which World Cup broadcaster was enjoying the German hospitality so much this week he ended his night out "up a lamp-post with his cock out"?

Which beautiful Oscar winning actress has hygiene issues? She's known to some in the industry as "Stinky Minge".

Pig Sick

Lindsay Lohan was eating at the Spotted Pig gastropub in New York recently. She and her friends had commandeered the private room. When the group left, staff found that someone had vomited all over the room. Cue a frantic rush to clean up ready for the next reservation. And so poor Chelsea Clinton and friends sat down to dinner, with the room still stinking of bleach and ammonia.

Adler's appetite for destruction

Guns n' Roses hit the headlines last week for their delayed London gigs, onstage oxygen tanks and much partying. But their behaviour had nothing on former drummer Steven Adler's recent UK tour with his new band Adler's Appetite. He was supported by rocker Adam Bomb who claims:

* Adler used to borrow Bomb's phone to call his mother, "screaming at her like a child" and accusing her of wanting him dead so she could get his money.

* Hurt his wrist when he tried to inject cocaine into it but completely missed the vein.

* Smoked crack at his gig at Camden Underworld, then offered a crew member 200 pounds to beat up the dealer to get more.

* Drank two bottles of Jagermeister every day.

* Got thrown out of a 24 hour Tesco superstore at 3am for refusing to wear shoes.

The Highest Performing Email Newsletter Ad in History

6th June 2006

The Highest Performing Email Newsletter Ad in History

By Anne Holland, President, MarketingSherpa, Inc

How much are marketers spending on newsletter ads? Our research team's very rough estimate is tens of millions.

(Frustratingly, most newsletter ad buys are either bundled with other online spots or part of affiliate/CPA deals -- so not reported separately or specifically to anyone.)

Mid-2006 MarketingSherpa study data shows that year over year email newsletter ad conversion results are remarkably steady. Plus, we have plenty of happy anecdotal evidence about ROI.

So, email newsletter ads may not be the most glamorous campaigns on the planet, but they are generally a media buy you can count on. Which naturally makes me wonder: what works? Which creative will get the clicks, and which is more likely to be ignored?

Sherpa reader Kristin Paxton of the National Association of Realtors, who we interviewed for the top Case Study below, told us that she reviewed the data for all sponsors of her organization's newsletter over the past four years. It's one of the highest circulation business newsletters in the world, so these numbers may have some merit:

Two things that don't seem to work as well:

1. Ads in the right column -- these may be cut off when people who use Outlook view issues in their email preview pane. (Far more people read entire issues in their preview than you'd imagine.)

2. Graphical ads -- anything that looks like a banner generally won't work very well for clicks (although it might be great for brand awareness.) An ad that's mainly or completely text can outpull an ad with colors or images.

The best-pulling ad of all time:

Kristin says the ad with the best clickthrough rate of all time for the newsletter ran in their May 2006 issue. (You can see a copy of it in the Creative Samples link at the end of the Case Study below.) I spotted four elements that probably helped clicks soar:

1. Preview pane "hotspot" --
The ad is placed immediately above the first story of the newsletter edition. So, it's where the readers' eyes naturally go when they are looking for "real" content.

2. Text-only --
The ad is nothing more than copy, set in the same size and style as articles appearing immediately below it.

3. Wording --
The ad is very clearly an ad because it's labeled as such in the headline. However, without that label you might not guess it's an ad at all. The copy is styled to read as though it's just like one of the article summaries directly below it. The first two words are "Business Tip" ... and the name of the newsletter is "Business Tips Newsletter." That kind of customized copy must pack a wallop.

4. Link at the end of the paragraph, not in middle.
The hotlink to click to respond to the ad is at the very end -- not the middle or the start. This has two advantages - first it looks more like a story summary that also feature a link at the end. Plus, it is easier for humans to click on links that are next to white space, rather than buried within text.

Right after I saw this creative sample for the first time, I naturally ran down the hall to our own graphics department to share these revelations with them. "Look!" I cried, "It's the best performing newsletter ad in history!" They were less than overwhelmed.

But then, these are mainly women with Macs on their desks and awesome personal shoe collections. They like style. They embrace cool graphics. A boring old text ad that looks just like editorial ... it wouldn't catch their attention.

Luckily I am in a position of some power (OK, fairly limited, but some anyway) so my burbles of delight about this plain-as- dishwater ad format were taken fairly seriously. You can expect us to begin testing dulled-down ad formats placed on the left side of our newsletters shortly.

I'll let you know what sorts of stats we get back from the tests and if a boring format works here, too. In the meantime, please let me know if you're running tests, too.

Anne Holland, President
Feedback(at)marketingSherpa(dot)com
MarketingSherpa, Inc

26 Grueling Miles

Dr.WINKLE will be taking part as a competitor in the Dubai Marathon on 6th January 2006. And he is hoping to finish in under four hours.

I know, what a ridiculous time of year for such an event. How is one supposed to stay in shape whilst indulging in Christmas and New Year celebrations?

Anyway, please have the generosity to sponsor him for his efforts. All proceeds will go towards his chosen charity, Climb (www.climb.org.uk), which deals with children living with inherited metabolic diseases.

Father Christmas will be monitoring this charity website (www.justgiving.com/markgattysaunt) and anyone that doesn't sponsor this guy will be getting a very special suprise from Rudolf (in a sack) on Christmas morning.

Donating through the aforesaid site is simple, fast and totally secure.

Thank you very, very much for your support.