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Marathons and Sore Nipples
29 November, 2005
During a booze infused evening back in early September this year, I made an outburst that my nipples are living to regret. I declared that that I was going to run the 2006 Dubai marathon, taking place on January 6th.
Firstly, for most people of western origin (London being my home city), this is a ridiculous time of year to hold a marathon. How is one supposed to indulge in Christmas and the New Year celebrations, whilst trying to train for a 26 mile race?
Anyway, I am usually a man of my word and I see this as a challenge, so here it is in writing, I will be taking part in the 2006 Dubai marathon.
Anyway, there are more hurdles to this marathon training than meets the eye. Forget about the lack of breath; the aching limbs; the blisters; and the bruised toe nails. What you really need to worry about is sore nipples.
Since reaching puberty, my nipples have always stood to attention, as if someone has just brushed an ice cube over them. They are permanently erect.
Now, as part of any marathon training program, one has to run several 20 mile training runs, to build up distance endurance. So last week, I had the painful pleasure of joining the Dubai Creek Striders running club on a 20 mile run around Dubai.
We met at 6am on Friday morning (which forced me to stay in on Thursday night). It was still dark, but I could just about make out men and women rubbing something onto their nipples (and I though I was here to run).
We set off and as the sun came up, I soon realised I was running with about 50 people, all dressed in the same 'club' vests and wearing too much spandex!
By the end of the 20 miles, my nipples were on fire from chaffing against my top. And following the run, I had to convert various t-shirts, by cutting small slits for my nipples to poke out (air and repair). Post the run, these t-shirts had to be worn for about four days before I could go back to wearing conventional tops.
So take my advice, if you ever decide to train for a marathon, lube up those nips, or it's t-shirt slits!
I have been told Vaseline does the trick.
Comments
Too funny!
I don't think I will have that problem - too much of a smoker to run up the stairs, let alone a marathon. But should I hear of anyway having such a problem, will definetly refer them over to this post...
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Well Marcus I did warn you about this inconvienence.
There is one sure way to avoid this problem without shreding your wardrobe or resorting to petroleum jelly. Two fabric plasters taped across your permanently aroused, bullet nips will sort things fine. It creates a barrier, the movement of your damp shirt causes the friction.
After the New York marathon I witnessed one poor chap sitting on the pavement with his head bowed, clearly a broken man. He was wearing a white running vest which was stained red with 2 streams of blood starting at his nips running to his waist. Both distressing to witness and to suffer.
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