I remember a song we were taught at school when I was very young……Read on, dear readers and fellow-Apes, read on…

Soon after Santa Claus had been exposed to me – at the age of 4 years, 8 months, and a day – I was about 6 or 7; and I had moved up to a class – or grade – where and when it was time for us to be taught RELIGION, in preparation for our First Communion or our first recruitment into the money-making business of  pay-now get-later; after death – our introduction to Religious Horse-shit! After which we would become full-paying-customers or clients of the Church. So our music teacher gave us the separate musical notes for the song – treble, alto, and tenor; we were too young for bass – and he split us into three groups and trained us to sing our separate parts – of course you realise that this could only take place in the Church Hall where the church organ and piano were.

We could read music; and during Religious Knowledge Class on Friday, which was held in the Church Hall – lucky for me, or the prick, it was the last class or hour – our Religious teacher-cum-vicar brought in and handed out the words for the song and presumed to teach us how to sing them.

That was the first ever real Religious Class for us – we had been taught some Religious Horse-shit by our General Knowledge teacher and the school principal – who always lectured us on how to be good students and eventually good adults and members of the society, and our parents and relatives, either directly, or by nuances and suggestions – they meant well, or thought they meant well.

All of us spoke out at the same time: We know how to sing the words; we’re music students. Just play the introduction on the Church Organ. And being me – even then – I retorted: If you know how. You do know how, don’t you?

It turned out he did not know how, so he had to get our music teacher to do it for him – the prick! Here is the song:

If Religion was a thing that money could buy

The rich would live and the poor would die

I was the lead-singer in my group; and once, during one prayer session which was held during the last hour on Friday, in the Church Hall, and in which the whole school attended; and after all of us had repeated the Lord’s Prayer, and the Hail Mary, or Ave Maria; and the seniors had sang Te Deum Laudamus: we praise thee, Oh Lord; and repeated the Apostles’ Creed – I knew and still know all of these by heart, and I strongly doubt whether any of the Christian-Horse-shit-Ass-holes still remember them or ever knew them – not to mention a good speech by the principal and a Bull-shit speech by the Prick – Oops! Sorry. The Beast – OOPS! The Priest – it was our class-choir’s turn to sing the song to end the charade.

So when I rose up to sing solo – I had to sing it all twice – I sang it the first time:

If Religion was a thing that money could buy

The rich would live and the poor would die

And the choir joined me with the refrain or chorus; and I sang it the second time:

But Religion is a thing that money can buy

So the rich will live and the poor will die

Footnote: Our music teacher knew – I had told him, since even then at that not-so-tender age, I believed that no one would lie to anyone unless that one was afraid of the someone; and even then, I feared no one and nothing – so when I rose up to sing, he glared at me – albeit gently, and with a sly smile – and admonished me with a subtle shake of his left fore-finger, but I was adamant and undaunted.

We were dismissed and I don’t have to tell you about the scowls I got from the vicar and the weak glares that could not hide the sly smiles from the principal and teachers; or the laughter, back-patting, and gentle elbows-in-the-ribs from my class-mates and the other students.

I liked all my teachers – through primary, elementary, secondary, and on to university – and they liked me, for I was sharp and almost always the first in my class; but I liked that music teacher best. He was old in years but young at heart, and he knew his subject well……too well.

Monday morning! The first thing; I was sent to the principal’s office. I knocked and entered. He wasn’t there, so I sat down in the chair in front of his desk. He came in a few minutes later and saw me and, surprisingly, asked me: What are you doing here? I told him that I had been told he wanted to see me. He sat down at his desk and, after shuffling some papers around pretending to be busy, he glared at me and asked me: Well, what have you got to say for yourself? And I said: Nothing, because it’s true, Sir. He glared at me for not a few seconds and said: Have you no fear, Daniel? And I said: My fear is my concern, Sir. He glared at me some more – at least he tried, but I could tell it wasn’t genuine. I knew his genuine glare better than all the students at the school because I bore the brunt of it most of the time – and yelled: You are one insubordinate SOB! If only you weren’t so intelligent and always the first in your class since you came to our school, I would…Oh Hell, and damn it all! Get out of my office!

I got up and went but, as I was opening the door to get out of his office, he called my name: Daniel. I turned around and looked at him, but by then the door was open, so he yelled: Shut the damn door! And I said: Now, or behind me? And he yelled even louder: Now; and don’t try to be clever with me! And I said: But Sir, I am not trying to be clever; I am clever. And you of all people know it best. I stood at ease with my hands behind my back, as he had taught us, and he said: You were right. I mean, you are right. But for your sake, and for mine, keep it to yourself; and curb your impulses. And I said: I promise to try, Sir. He waved me away with: Tell everyone I gave you a severe punishment; and part of the punishment was, you were not to tell anyone about it.

As I walked back to class, I knew he was smiling to himself and shaking his head.

If Religions – Christianity and Islam – could speak, they would say: With a gay-Pope, paedophile or gay, but psychotic, for sure, Cardinals, Bishops, and Priests; and mostly lesbian but all psychotic Nuns; psychotic and paedophile or gay Ayatollahs, Imams, Muftis, and Sheikhs; and mostly lesbian but all psychotic Sheikhas; and a Patriarch like Nesrallah Sfeir, and leaders and politicians like these; and mad Fanatics and clerics like Osama Bin Ladin, Hassan Nesrallah, Ayman Al Zawahiri, and others like them (most, but not all, creatures in frocks; the exceptions are too few to mention here) –  including people like Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, Bashar Al-ASSad; Michael Aoun, Samir Geagea, Wi’am Wahab, Etc – who needs enemies?

Actually, Religion and Politics are two sides of the same coin……read: 116

Also, like my late beloved Mama, who is I, myself, and me, would say: The mere fact that Christians need very large loud bells and Moslems need very large loudspeakers to call them to prayers means: Deres Son-Tin Wong! That’s in Chinese – my Chinese – and it means: There’s something wrong!