Daniel Akill-Attieh's Blog | 257: IF GOD AND SATAN EXISTED, THE FOLLOWING COVERSATION WOULD HAVE TAKEN PLACE: For God so became angry at the world that he sent for his arch enemy, Satan, and asked him:

Dear Readers and Fellow-Apes; 2008 was a Murky and Hapless Year! Let us hope that 2009 does not turn out to be even More Murky and Hapless!

I intentionally did not wish you a Merry Christmas, because Christmas is another story for another Posting at another time; and I do not wish you a Happy New Year, since I believe that ONLY FOOLS ARE, OR CAN BE, HAPPY ALL YEAR ROUND. I do, however, wish all of you A GOOD YEAR! With a little Good in one's life, one can be a little happy, which is all one can ask for in one's short sweet dream one calls a life-time. BY GOD AND SATAN!

A Jack of many trades and master of all; I am honest to the core and I hate lies, deceits, pretensions, hypocrisy, treachery, betrayal, and stoic compliance; and I despise – and actually pity – Human-Apes who follow-the-herd-or-pack

I expose and reveal the lies, deceits, pretensions, hypocrisy, treachery, betrayal, and blind, deaf, and stoic compliance, and Human-Apes who follow-the-herd-or-pack; I tell or write the truth; and I say what I mean and mean what I say

I fear nothing; least of all, death

If I must fear anything at all in life, then let me fear what I think and know of myself; because, in the end, one’s knowledge and opinion of oneself is what counts most. All the world may think and believe one is such and such, but one knows one is such and such. Also, I like to look in the mirror and like what I see and know about me.

I invite comments, remarks, criticisms, and even insults – so long as they are straight to the point, in order for me to correct or adjust myself accordingly. What I do not welcome and won’t accept or tolerate is HORSE-SHIT!

Dear readers and felow-Apes; with every page, every report or article, every paragraph, every sentence, every word, and every letter; I thank you for taking the trouble and the time to read My Not-So-Humble Comments.

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257: IF GOD AND SATAN EXISTED, THE FOLLOWING COVERSATION WOULD HAVE TAKEN PLACE: For God so became angry at the world that he sent for his arch enemy, Satan, and asked him:

04 May, 2008

IF GOD AND SATAN EXISTED, THE FOLLOWING COVERSATION WOULD TAKE PLACE: For God so became angry at the world that he sent for his arch enemy, Satan, and asked him: Satan, what is this Horse-shit rumour I have heard, that the CP and MF Lebanese people do not worship me any more?

Satan: My Lord, it’s true! The Lebanese no longer worship YOU or even ME! They follow and worship individuals! You must do something about it!

God: That’s ludicrous, ridiculous, and preposterous! And impossible, too!

Satan: Exactly, but it’s true! YOU know I know YOU know I know you know that I am evil, but I wouldn’t lie to YOU.

God: I know. After all, YOU were an Archangel, and MY right hand – Lucifer, Son of the morning. So what do YOU suggest?

Satan: I don’t know. YOU are God and Lord of the universe and all creation! If it were left to me I would erase all of Mankind – the APES – from existence!

God: So they follow and worship individuals? Well, I’ll show them. I’ll send them fire and brimstone; I’ll give them another flood that will reach up to the clouds; I’ll send them hurricanes that will lift sky-scrapers; I’ll pound them to dust; I’ll……

Satan: No! Dear Lord, no! Have mercy and compassion! Since they follow and worship individuals, send 5 individuals, and if each one of the 5 has 10 lieutenants and henchmen – as is their usual habit – that will total 50, if not much more; that ought to do it.

God: YOU Satan, ask me to have mercy and compassion? BY GOD! What the hell?

Satan: My Lord; YOU don’t know the Lebanese; or well, YOU haven’t had much to do with them, but I tell YOU, they are a totally different species of APES. The more they suffer, the more they cling to individuals; and the more the individuals screw them, the more they love and follow them. BY GOD!

God: All right. Now, let’s see. Whom shall I send them; hmmm, difficult choices.

Satan: My Lord and Master. I beg YOU to allow or permit YOUR humble servant, ME, to choose them since I am more qualified than YOU are in such matters.

God: Hmmm. I suppose YOU are right. Well, go ahead and choose, but choose well.

Satan: My Lord. I have already chosen them, and they are the best 5 of the best.

God: YOU mean the worst 5 of the worst.

Satan: Exactly, my Lord. Their names are on this list. Here you are, My Lord.

God: Read them to me. My glasses are in the other room.

Satan: Emile I’m-ill Le-Hood Lahhoud, Nab-them Bury-them Beriberi Berri, Hass-Aoun Hassan Nesa-Allah Nesrallah, Michu Aouu Aoun, and Silly-Man Sully-Man Frenzied- Frantic Franjieyeh.

God: BY GOD! Satan, you are a devil, you know?

Satan: Oh yes, My Lord; after all I am your student and the best. So you approve?

God: Yes. Go ahead and send them.

Satan: My Lord! I need your signature on the list.

God: No signatures! What do you take me for, a fool? Now get out of my sight!

LAHHOUD! BERRI! NESRALLAH! AOUN! FRANJIEYEH!

If God and Satan existed - and thank God they don’t - I believe that the above-mentioned 26-expletives-censored - each for every letter of the Alphabet - 5 names, each of whom is a PERSONA NON GRATA, were God’s punishment sent down from heaven but signed, sealed, and delivered by Satan Himself; not for all our sins, but for one sin only: the sin of following, supporting, and worshipping individuals; and tying the fate and the future of Lebanon and the Lebanese to the life-times of individuals – mortals – not to mention associating Lebanon with individuals. BY GOD AGAIN!

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